It's Not Over
by iheartShules
Summary: A returning foe comes back for one last game that could destroy John and Joss forever... ::ok so the summary needs some work, but this story takes place just after Dead Reckoning to be honest if could be technically a missing scene from the ending hahahahahaha. This is the sequel to Undisclosed Desires though you do not need to have read it to understand this one!
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's note: hi, this is the sequel to Undisclosed Desires though you truly don't have to really read it to understand this story, I touch base on a little bit on what lead to John being in a different apartment complex. John and Joss are still steadily building their relationship which I also touch base on as well. I hope I got the timeline correct from the show since I'm not sure how much time passed between Critical and what transpired in Dead Reckoning. So if there is a little timeline error in there I'm sincerely sorry I tried to make sure did a little research, but just to apologize in advance if I screwed up lol. **_

_**Ready for angst, I hope because that's what you're in for with this story!**__**Okay so I'll shut it now, hopefully you enjoy!**_ _**Thanks Elaine for reading this, and being my sounding board for stuff, you are so helpful I truly am indebted to you!**_

_**Disclaimer: I tend to forget these things, so for all my stories nothing is mine, truly nothing!**_

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Joss felt like she was outside of her body. She didn't feel connected anymore to the world, it felt like her life had flashed before her eyes and she hadn't even been the one to almost die. She followed him up the stairs to his apartment that Finch had gotten him almost a month ago when Wesley had attempted to kidnap him. Then John had been arrested by Donnelly, along with several other men all wearing suits, and was sent to Rikers. It had been a harrowing time, but it was after getting John out of Rikers that caused them both the most strife. John had been strapped with a bomb to carry out Kara Stanton's heinous plot. Tears threatened to fall for the umpteenth time as she eyed him quietly. He was moving like someone did when in water. Slow, as if he wasn't doing the movements consciously.

Joss waited for him to come down with Finch after he had gotten the bomb vest off. Joss had wanted to fling her arms around him and kiss him because he was safe, because he was alive, and because she was falling in love with him. But she didn't. Fusco and Finch still didn't know about them yet and John had looked like a soft breeze would knock him over. His eyes told her the story that his words didn't. John claimed he was fine, but his eyes pleaded with her not to leave him alone. His eyes shone a heartbreaking desperate look in them. He had been prepared to die and had been prepared to not risk anyone's life to save his own. His hands trembled as he unlocked his door to his apartment and Joss followed him inside. She wanted a nice long cry but she was worried about John's emotional state right now and was determined to be there for him. She'd cry when she was alone and could focus on her own pain. She couldn't even begin to understand what it was like to wait to die. But it nearly destroyed her when Fusco pulled her from him. She felt like as each step she took from him more and more light was snuffed out inside her.

"Home, I bet you're glad to see it," she whispered.

"Yeah," the word barely sounded above a whisper she had to strain to hear it. John hadn't said a word since telling her he was alright which she knew was a lie. She reached out and grabbed his hand needing to touch him as much as she was sure he needed to be touched. To reconnect. Joss pushed aside her own selfish needs as she stepped in front of him pushing the suit jacket off his shoulders. He wasn't looking at her, instead he was staring out the window, and she saw the glimmer of unshed tears in his eyes. Joss slowly unbuttoned his dress shirt before yanking it out of his dress pants, and finished the shirt off before pushing it off his shoulders. He had a slight tremble in his body as he continued to stare out the window, most likely not seeing a damned thing.

"Take your shoes off John," she commanded softly, and he almost didn't comply. "Please." He looked down at her and she saw a haunted look filling his normally warm blue eyes. She clamped down on the rising fear that he was withdrawing from the world again. John had been slowly awakening, slowly appearing happy with life again, and now it could be all gone. His already damaged heart and soul was in danger of being completely torn apart after tonight and she wasn't sure she could stop it. He did as she asked and kicked his shoes off. Joss reached out yanking his white undershirt free of his dress pants before her hands slid down to his pants. She unbuttoned, then unzipped them while he watched her without saying a word. No sly comment, not even a ghost of a smile appeared on his lips. Joss just watched his face, searching for the man she was falling in love with. The man that laughed with her, talked with her, relied on her, and quite possibly was falling in love with her just the same. She gently pushed them down to the growing pile of clothing.

They hadn't been intimate yet, she and John had both agreed that they wanted to take things slowly. Sure, she had gone to her gynecologist to get put back on the birth control pill back when they first started dating, but it was for when they were ready and not a moment sooner. They had several dates, they talked, laughed, and made out like a pair of teenagers. Joss had been ready to take it to the next level, she was sure John was too, and then all hell broke loose. He had been arrested, placed in Rikers, and now strapped with a bomb vest to carry out Stanton's dirty work. She hesitated only slightly before she grabbed the hemline of his undershirt, and yanked until he lifted his arms to take the shirt off. Joss left him in his black boxers and his socks, trying to not stare at his semi naked body. Scars marred his body and she reached down grabbing his hand.

"You need a shower, John." Joss tugged him and he allowed her to pull him towards his bathroom. He watched her when she turned from him to start the water. When she was happy with the temperature she turned around to eye him. The same haunted look was in the blue depths and she wished she knew what to say to get the warmth back inside him. "You'll feel better."

"Okay." Joss slid past him to let him take his shower, she shutting the door softly to leave him some privacy. She walked down the short hallways back to his living space where her own jacket laid. She grabbed it to find her cell phone, taking it with her as she walked into his kitchen, needing to make him something to eat. It might taste like sandpaper but he was damn well going to eat something. His new kitchen was different than his previous kitchen back on Baxter street. For this one she had talked him into getting a dinette table so that way, when she brought Taylor over, they all could eat together. Joss yanked his fridge open while she dialed her son's cell phone. She put the phone to her ear as tears made their way down her cheeks. She just needed to hear his voice.

"H-hello?" She dug her teeth into her bottom lip to stop the sob that threatened to escape. She didn't want to scare her kid to death. "Mom, you alright?" the sleepy sound to his voice was long gone.

"I'm good baby, I just needed to hear your voice." she blinked rapidly hoping it would make the tears go away.

"You sound like you're crying. You never cry. Are you alright?"

"Really, baby, I'm okay. Its been a long day and I was just needing to hear your voice. I'm sorry I woke you up, Taylor." John didn't have much in the way of food here. She found eggs, and yanked them out praying they weren't in need to be thrown out. She sighed in relief when the due date was in another few days. "Did you stay over with your friends like you told me you were?"

"Yes, are you sure you are alright?"

"I'm positive, its not me that you should be worried about. Get some sleep and I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay, you too mom."

"I love you Taylor."

"I love you too mom." she inhaled as she hung up with her son and found a pan to make the man some scrambled eggs. Not the world's best dinner, but at least it will be something in his stomach.

"Go home." she whirled around not having heard the shower end or him come into the kitchen. She eyed him, his hair was wet, and he stood in his same boxers he had been wearing. "You want to see your son."

"He's at a friend's house. I just wanted to hear his voice after the last few days we've had."

"Will you just go please." He turned away from her and she saw the tears slide from his eyes. Joss walked around his kitchen island and followed him into the living room.

"No, John I'm not leaving you." She reached out, touching his arm much like she had in the hallway of that DoD facility and this time he flinched. He turned to look at her and she wanted to cry at the utter despair in his eyes.

"Please, I want to get drunk and be alone."

"Let me help you," she whispered quietly, standing in front of him, grabbing his hands. "Just talk to me."

"Joss, you always try to take everyone's problems on and try to fix it for them. Well this you can't fix, so just stop." he pulled his hands from her as he angrily swiped at the few tears that dared to fall from his eyes. "You are too kind and nurturing but, Joss, you can't help everyone."

"What you really mean, John, is that I can't help you, right?" her arms hung at her sides, unwilling to run to him, to wrap her arms around him and beg him to let her in. Instead she was going to do this his way, the hard way. "Lets see if I got it right, John? I can help everyone else but you, because you're not allowed to be helped?! Get over yourself, John!"

"Joss, what happened tonight...it was my fault."

"Your fault?" She was incredulous. How the hell did he figure that? He didn't ask to be strapped with a bomb to carry out Stanton's dirty deeds, so how could he blame himself?

"Everything that has happened lately is because of my own stupidity, Joss. So forgive me if I'm not so willing to let it go and forgive myself." Joss was unimpressed by his anger. She looked past it, beneath it, to the hurting man that was clamming up because it was easier than dealing with his pain.

"How is it your fault?" she demanded, waiting for him to say something. Instead he turned and looked out the window of his apartment. He was on the third floor of the six story building. "Come on, John, you can't give me one reason why it's your fault?" he turned to look at her, his eyes flashing with anger. Well it was better than the despair that had been there previously.

"Can't you just go?"

"You'd like that, so you can wallow in your misery and drink yourself into a stupor. Well I'm not letting you do that, no matter how pissed off you are at me, you'll thank me later."

"You do realize I can pick you up and throw you out of here."

"So why don't you? Come on, you're much bigger and stronger than me, John, which you know. So that begs the question why aren't you hauling my ass out of your apartment? But we both know the answer don't we? Because its simple, John." The anger died in his eyes replaced by nothing. John was desperately trying to not feel anything and she felt sad for him but she wasn't going to let him do that. If he bottled up how he felt at this moment, John would surely turn away from her, and she wasn't about to risk that. "Because no matter how much you verbally say you don't want me here, inside you know you do." John turned his body away from her and she wasn't going to let him even that solitude. She walked in front of him determined to be consistently and constantly there for him.

"Its my past, Joss, Kara came after me because of our past. You could have been killed in that car crash because of me." He was wrong, so utterly and completely wrong about that. He had no control over what Stanton was going to do and when, but she had a feeling that John was wearing his guilt as a shield of armor right now. She just had to gently chip away at it to get to the hurt man that needed her beneath it.

"I disagree with you, John, you had no control over what she was going to do. You didn't even know she was alive. You don't know everything that could or could not happen, so its not your fault for the car crash, or Kara killing Donnelly. And I won't hear another word that it is, understood?" she reached out, grabbing his hand, and his gaze lifted from the floor back onto hers. "I don't claim to know what you went through, John, but do you have any idea what it was like for me?" Her own tears of anguish and anger over what they had been subjected to overwhelmed her, causing them to fall. "To be told there wasn't a damn thing I could do to help you?"

"You can't save everyone, Joss." his words were spoken softly as if he was trying to soothe her. She shook her head.

"I don't need to save everyone, John, just you. Walking away from you had to be the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. I didn't want to and each and every step I took from you made me die a little inside. Because I didn't know if I would see you ever again and-" like a dam broke, all the tears that she had been holding inside spilt out. Joss felt embarrassed but she couldn't stop them, even if she tried. She was cocooned in his arms, he was holding her, soothing her over an experience that he had been the one to suffer through. She should be comforting him not the other way around. But for right now she needed to bask in his warm embrace, to fully appreciate the fact that he was indeed here and alive. Joss pushed back slightly in his arms so she could pull him down for a kiss.

Joss gasped when his mouth hungrily took over the kiss, as his hands wrapped around her pulling her to him. The kiss was passionate, raw, and full of emotion as she soon found herself flat on her back on his couch with him on top of her. Joss didn't even care that their first time wasn't going to be in a bed. Her hands helped him with her shirt as they became almost desperate to be together. It took them about ten minutes to get rid of what was left of his clothing and hers from how much they were trembling and being preoccupied with kissing each new piece of skin revealed to them. John entered her swiftly, expertly, and deeply. She felt like he was touching her heart as she clung to him wrapping her arms and legs around him as he moved within her. Their union was speedy and gratifying not at all like the first time she had been envisioning, but amazing all the same.

Breathing hard, their bodies cooling, he laid beside her on his couch, their arms and legs entangled. "I'm sorry Joss," he sighed as he looked down at her. "I didn't want our first time together quite like I was a virgin all over again." She smiled languidly at him, placing a soft and warm kiss to his lips.

"I have no complaints. That was an amazing first time, even if we _both_ couldn't last very long." Joss wasn't about to tell John that her orgasm had been mind blowing even if he thought he acted like a virgin. She'd probably faint from the ecstasy when the man had his stamina back.

"Uh, Joss I-uh-forgot the um, the uh-the condom," he stuttered and Joss tightened her hold on him. "Joss, please tell me you are on some form of birth control?"

"Yes," she said, thankful that she had planned ahead.

"You aren't lying are you?" He asked, needing confirmation.

"No, I may have gone to my gynecologist for a birth control regiment when we started dating." She sighed running her hand across the hard contours of his body. "I wanted to be prepared, because, no offense John, but you're not very good with women."

"Hey!" She felt him relax against her and Joss hoped to keep the mood between them light. The shadows were gone from his eyes and face and she wanted to keep it that way. She didn't want what they both been through these past days to ruin the afterglow of their union. "I'll have you know I'm good with women!" Uh-oh she ruffled the male ego in him.

"Sure you are." She grinned pinching his cheek. "Which is why I bet you have ZERO condoms in this apartment." He opened his mouth to answer but quickly it slid shut realizing she was right. "HA, I knew it!

"You know men don't like know-it-all women." He stroked his index finger across her cheek.

"You love it," she teased and he smiled at her. Then suddenly the smile flew from his lips and the same expression as he had earlier filled his face once more. "Oh no you don't, John." she wrapped herself around him tighter unwilling to let him allow the pain of these last few days to steal his happiness right now.

"Joss," he struggled to get up and she refused to let him. She clung to him tightly and finally, when he couldn't untangle himself from her, he gave up. The relaxed look on his face was gone, replaced by harsh lines as he frowned. The almost happy look in his eyes as he stared at her was gone as well, instead an unknown emotion filled them. "I shouldn't have slept with you Joss."

"And why not? I think we both wanted it, actually I think we both needed it, John. I needed to feel you encompass me, surround me, be in me." He closed his eyes at her words. "I think you needed to be surrounded by me as well, you needed to feel my heat and love." she whispered in his ear as she begun pressing little kisses to his cheek. His breath clogged in his throat and she threw caution to the wind. "I love you, John." She felt him stiffen in her arms, his eyes snapped open, and he stared down at her.

"No." This time when he struggled to get up she let him. He grabbed his discarded boxers, yanking them on as she sat up. John walked away from her, his hand in his hair, she followed him but only to grab his undershirt yanking it over her head. She flicked her hair over the shirt when he slowly turned around to look at her. His undershirt's hemline reached the tops of her thighs and she knew he could see through the thin fabric. "Joss, you can't."

"Why not, and if your reasoning begins with: 'I'm not good enough for you to love,' I'm going to smack you!" She crossed her arms over her chest and waited. Just as she thought. "John, did you really think I wouldn't fall in love with you?" She asked softly, looking into his haunted eyes.

"I don't know what I thought would happen between us, Joss."

"I didn't say the words to get them in return, John. I know how you feel about me, even if you can't say the words yet. I just wanted to tell you how I felt for you."

"Oh, so now you think you know how I feel about you?"

"Yeah, its not that hard to figure out, John. You might like to think you're this unreadable and emotionless man, but you're not. You wear your heart on your sleeve, especially when it comes to people you care about. I know you are falling in love with me and I know it scares you. You're afraid your enemies will use me to their advantage and you want to try to distance yourself from me to save my life. But you can't because even as selfless as that sounds, you can't walk away from me. How am I doing so far?" she asked knowing her words were true by the look on his face.

"I don't want to talk about this," he looked away and she sighed knowing he didn't. He wanted to blame himself, he wanted to let his demons destroy him, and he wanted to drink to forget. It was the same self hate and abusive behavior he inflicted upon himself as before. The only difference this time was that he had her and Finch to not let him do it. Even if he pushed her away she wasn't going to go far and she was sure neither was Finch. Finch had seen something in him and so did she. He might like to think he had nothing left in him but they both knew differently. They both saw the capacity to love and be loved in return. He just needed a little TLC which she was more than happy to give.

"Fine, lets talk about something else then. Though it doesn't change anything John, it doesn't change the fact that I love you and you love me. And for now I'll give you a reprieve since you went through something traumatic, but be forewarned, John, I'm not going to just let it go. I don't fall in love lightly and I don't give up on anything or anyone," which she suspected he already knew from when she had doggedly pursued him back when he had been just the 'man in the suit' to her.

"I don't expect you too." she saw a ghost of a smile grace his lips and she felt a glimmer of hope that John was still with her; that what he went through wasn't going to try to steal his soul.

"So, John, I was wondering if maybe there was going to be a round number two of lovemaking tonight?" she asked as she decided to try to work the despair from his eyes and from her heart. She needed a little healing herself after what they went through and being with John, loving him tonight was a nice start. He slowly walked towards her and stood before her.

"You're leaving the decision up to me?" His expression softened and she slid her hands up his chest.

"Maybe, or I could just wait till you fall asleep and have my torrid way with you. You'd have no objections, I can guarantee it." She kissed his jaw before she stood up on her tippy toes to kiss him fully on the mouth. John sighed, kissing her back and Joss knew that she had him when he swung her in his arms. She wanted to pump her fist in victory as he carried her towards his bedroom, glad they were going to be in a bed this time. Joss was determined to show how much she loved him this entire night, hoping to heal their wounded hearts just a little bit.

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Author's note: okay so I got angst, minor smut(be forewarned real smut is ahead lol), then angst again in there my job for chapter one is done :D Wouldn't it have been nice for our loves to actually have had A SCENE between them after he got down from the rooftop, but I'm not bitter or anything *grumbles*

Well, thanks for reading everyone reviews are a joy as always I adore each and everyone you guys, I'm still working on my video for you to show my appreciation :')


	2. Chapter 2

Joss laid in bed next to John knowing she needed sleep, having been without some for almost 36 hours. Her eyes felt like sand had been thrown into them but she couldn't close her eyes. Instead she watched him sleep, glad to see him relaxed enough to do so. Tears filled her eyes as she wished to touch him but afraid to because she didn't want him to waken, he needed the rest. John had made love to her the second time and it had been slow and passionate, the best sex she'd ever had in her life. Joss hadn't ever really had that grand of lovemaking before, where he was so caring about her pleasure like John was. He was so loving and caring that she didn't see how the man could think he was unlovable.

It had to be the years in the CIA that made him think that. If she took a guess, John had been coaxed into it, thinking he was doing it to save his country, when in reality it was just to use his skills as a fighter to be a lethal killing machine. John had a gentle loving heart that probably bled the entire time he was in the agency until he tried to feel nothing at all. It nearly destroyed him. She felt fiercely protective of him as she snuggled closer to him, careful not to wake him. He was hers to love now. She couldn't go back to being just his friend if she tried. Nope, she fallen completely in love with him and she knew how he felt about her. He spoke the words without actually saying it as he made love to her, he never looked away from her eyes even as they both drew to their climaxes and she saw the love in his eyes. John might not be able to say the words yet, but she felt his love, saw his love the same. She heard a soft sound escape him which quickly pulled her thoughts away from their most recent round of lovemaking.

Joss eyed him and saw the relaxed look gone on his face. John was in a middle of a nightmare. She never in her life heard such a sound out of him, he sounded like a wounded animal and her heart hurt hearing it. She had no idea if this was a recurring nightmare or was this new because of all that he had gone through recently. But either way she needed to wake him up from it.

"John, darling, wake up," she said loudly enough in hopes it would draw him from whatever terror he was experiencing. Joss cried out when she felt a fist collide with her thigh and John reared up gasping and sweating. Joss bit her lip to not cry at the pain in her thigh as she sat up beside him, wrapping her arms around his neck to soothe him. "Its okay John, you're here with me." He trembled in her arms before Joss turned to flick on the lamp on beside the bed, turning back to him while tears filled her eyes. Whatever the nightmare had been about, it left him reeling, she'd never seen terror in John's eyes. He was always so calm even when faced with certain death he tried to remain emotionless, like when strapped with the bomb. Joss watched mutely as he pushed away from her without a single word before he disappeared into his bathroom.

Joss gave him a few moments alone, it was all she could bare before the desperate need to go soothe his anguish forced her up. She slowly climbed out of the bed to follow him into the bathroom, not giving a care that she was completely naked. As Joss walked into the doorway of his adjoining bathroom she watched him splash water on his face. He twisted the knobs and the water shut off and he picked up a towel off the rack rubbing it over his face. She saw the slight tremble to his naked form. Joss longed to wrap her arms around him and whisper that everything would be alright. But he wouldn't listen to those words right now and she didn't even know if they were true or not.

"Go back to bed Joss." his words were hollow.

"I wasn't asleep to begin with, John, and I wouldn't be able to till I know you're alright."

"I'm fine," he responded unfeelingly, as he dried his hands with the towel. Joss waited till he turned to look at her and she saw the moment he saw what he had done to her thigh. She knew it was going to bruise quickly because it had hurt like nobody's business. She saw pain explode on his features and she shook her head.

"You didn't mean it, John." She made a move to hug him.

"Don't touch me!" Her arms immediately dropped to her sides when his frantic and pain laced words sounded strangled. She didn't know what to do to fix this. He hadn't meant to hit her, it was an accident, he had been dreaming. "I hurt you." The words made her want to cry, but the tears forming in his eyes shattered her heart.

"John, it was an accident, you were having a nightmare." She stayed in the middle of the doorway knowing for now that he was too scared to even come near her, like he was some damned monster that would harm her at every turn.

"I hurt you." He repeated the same words as if he hadn't even heard her try to tell him it hadn't been his fault. It was like this was something he had feared would happen, that he would harm her. She shook her head.

"No, John if you intentionally hit me that would hurt me-more mentally then physically. But this-look at it John." She waited till his eyes fell back to her bare thigh where the bruise was forming. "John, this was an accident. You didn't mean to hit me, you were in a nightmare and it was my fault John, not yours." His eyes met hers. She moved tiny steps closer to him. "I should have known that you were in a middle of a horrific nightmare where you were fighting for your life. Its only natural that you'd punch or kick out when you are in the middle of something like that," she said as she got close to him. He reached out, grabbing her wrist, surprising her as he tugged her into his arms and held onto her for dear life. Joss felt him tremble, wishing she could do something for him, anything to ward off his demons for him. But there wasn't anything physically she could do for him. She'd just have to continue to love and care for him until he could learn to love himself once more.

"I'm so sorry Joss." She pulled back and cupped his face.

"You have nothing to apologize for, John. Nothing, understood? I will not let you blame yourself for this, it was an accident pure and simple." He nodded hesitantly. "Promise me John, you already have a lot you are placing on your shoulders, you won't place this too."

"I promise." She nodded, she was going to hold him to that. She dropped her hands from his face, grabbing his hand, tugging him out of his bathroom back to his bed. "Lets get back into bed. I want to snuggle." She watched him, seeing the anguish on his face. She climbed back onto his bed while he turned the lamp off, leaving them in darkness once more. Once he settled back in his bed she was clutching him. He felt stiff and tense, like he'd never sleep again. "What was it about?" She highly doubted he'd tell her but she was going to try. Maybe if he talked about it, maybe it wouldn't hurt him anymore.

"Go to sleep Joss."

"Please, talk to me." She waited, not quite sure if he would respond to her or not.

"I dreamt that you and I were fighting some unknown assailants, they shot you and I couldn't get to you in time to save your life." She blinked, glad he couldn't see her face. She was shocked. His nightmare hadn't been about saving his own life, but hers. "You asked me to look over Taylor and then you died in my arms, Joss." His voice was rough and she held onto him tightly.

"It was just a nightmare. I'm right here," she whispered, worried now that she knew his nightmare he was going to try to withdraw from her even more. That was what preyed on his mind a lot, worried about enemies trying to harm her to get at him. It probably was heightened thanks to Kara's reappearance, even though it had been him strapped in the bomb vest, it still was an old enemy resurfacing.

"I can't live without you." Joss heard the quiver to his voice and she sought his mouth to kiss him to shower him with love. Her hands cupping his cheeks feeling the wetness to them, knowing the agony he was in, wanting to soothe him. Joss poured as much emotion as she could into the kiss as she could. She pushed out of the kiss to press kisses to his face, feeling the tears still streaking down his cheeks.

"You won't have to," she promised between kisses. This man needed her to mend his once again shattered heart. He had been sort of happy before the nightmare of Rikers and Kara happened, and she was damned well going to make him happy again. She was going to put aside her own pain and grief over what happened to deal with it at a later time. John needed her to focus on him right now, then she'd deal with hers.

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John, was having an erotic dream about Joss. It was much better than the nightmare he had earlier. Joss was caressing and exploring his body, the sensations were so extreme, so vivid as he could feel her stroking his erection again and again. John gasped, opening his eyes, seeing the soft morning light filling his bedroom and quickly realized his erotic dream was actually real. He looked down, yanking the covers off himself, finding the top of Joss's head as she worked her mouth up and down his rigid length. John moaned her name, feeling the familiar tightening in him, his climax nearing, and she ceased her loving ministrations to eye him with a smile. Her hand was still wrapped around him though the urge to come was receding.

"Good morning, John."

"You could say that again." He reached out for her and she playfully moved just out of his reach. "Joss, please."

"Nope, sorry John. I only have about ten minutes before I have to go and I still have to get dressed. You will make me like over an hour late, so no, you cannot make love to me." she grinned her mouth going back towards him. "You'll enjoy this, I promise."

"Joss, wait." he gasped as she settled back onto him. He hissed out a breath as she pressed her lips firmly around where the head met the shaft of his cock, where he was most sensitive and she knew it. Her tongue was assaulting him from all sides, tickling his tip, stroking it, loving him making it almost impossible to hold out. John felt the pressure, felt his orgasm building again.

"Joss, please." He tried to reach out to stop her, but she used her other hand to deflect his hand away. John groaned as she sucked on him and all thoughts of stopping her fled. Joss was stripping away his sanity as her mouth was actively seeking his orgasm. His penis throbbed madly in her mouth and she seemed to realize just how close to his orgasm he was because her sucking became more rhythmic as she added her tongue, flicking his tip before she descended back down his long length to suck on him hard. His hips bucked, his entire body stiffened as the climax he had been fighting overtook him. John shouted her name as he came in her mouth. He didn't know how long it been but his body slumped back to the mattress and she smiled at him from her position between his legs.

"You know, John, that was highly erotic." She bounced out of his bed while he felt like he just ran about ten separate marathons and in no way could move ever again. His breathing was ragged as he watched her disappear into his bathroom. When she came back she was wearing his robe that hung on the hook on his bathroom door. "I so want to that to you again, John, but next time when I have more time to really make you enjoy it." She grinned down at him before pressing a soft kiss to his mouth. John reached out to even the score but she danced out of his touch. "Oh no you don't. I'll be late."

"Be late." he sat up in bed knowing he could grab her in seconds flat. "I do not receive pleasure without reciprocating."

"Well don't, because trust me I was the one that needed to even the score out, John. I was the one who had several more orgasms then you did last night," she clucked at him as she hurried out of his bedroom. John climbed out of bed slowly, grabbing a new pair of boxers out of his dresser before following her out. She was quickly dressing, having already put on her panties and bra, she was sliding her long perfect legs through her dark dress slacks. She picked up her red shirt and eyed it with disdain. "Uh-oh, Fusco will know this is the same shirt I was wearing yesterday," she sighed before looking at him. "I don't have time to go home and change. Do you by chance have a shirt I could wear?" she asked hopeful, breezing past him back into his bedroom. He followed her in, watching her for a moment as she walked to his closet.

"How are you going to wear a man's shirt without explaining to Lionel why you're wearing it?"

"Easy, I'm going to hide it beneath a blazer I left in my car. Its just anyone that saw me yesterday will know that is the same shirt even under the blazer which I can't explain, John." She appeared out of his closet in one of his dark colored dress shirts. It engulfed her frame, as she tucked it into her pants. She rolled the sleeves a little so that they didn't overhang her hands anymore and smiled. "Ta da, no one will be the wiser." She grinned happily as she walked forward and he caught her arm.

"Joss." She shook her head as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "You don't even know what I'm going to say."

"Yes I do."

"What are you, psychic or something?" he teased sliding his hands through her hair.

"No I just know you. I don't want you to apologize for last night. We needed each other last night, John, and it was going to happen between us sooner or later anyways. I, for one, am happy we spent the night together and you had no complaints either as I recall." She sent him a smirk as she slid her hands down grabbing his ass.

"I don't regret what happened between us last night, Joss. Well not everything anyways." His eyes drifted down to her thigh, wishing she wasn't wearing pants so he could see how bad he hurt her.

"Hey I told you to forget about it." she snapped and his eyes slid back to her face. "Besides you kissed it enough to make it feel better before you busied yourself making me scream with pleasure," she responded with soft eyes. He knew she was trying to make him feel better about it, but he still hated himself for hurting her. "John, its going to take time for you to heal after what happened to you with Rikers and Kara, as will it for me too. But I think we can heal together, just don't shut me out and I won't shut you out. Okay?"

"Okay," he sighed knowing it would make her happy. He wasn't sure if he could be open with how he felt. He was never one that could vocalize his emotions all that well, but for her sake he would make an attempt. But there was something he wanted to get off his chest, an emotion he had an easy time vocalizing…and that was anger. "And on that note, Joss, I'm pissed off at you." She blinked, startled as they pushed away from each other.

"What, why?"

"You shouldn't have done all that you had for me at Rikers!"

"What was I supposed to do, John, just let them figure out you were the man in the suit? That wasn't going to happen." No, he supposed she wouldn't want that to happen, he just wasn't happy about all that she did to help him. She threw away her career, her code, her life, her everything for him. He never wanted her to have to cross that sort of line for him, but yet she had. "I'd do it again in a heartbeat, John," she assured him and he looked down into her eyes. It was as if she was psychic or he was too damn transparent with his feelings about it.

"You shouldn't."

"Why not? Wouldn't you have done it for me if the roles were reversed? You would have done anything for me and you can't even deny it because we both would know you would be lying." She sighed looking at her watch. "I have to go John, I don't have time to fight with you about it. We can argue, you'll apologize, and then we can have makeup sex later." She kissed him on the mouth before sidestepping him. He scowled at her retreating form and she had the nerve to say he was stubborn! John stalked to his bathroom needing to shower, get dressed, and head to the library. He had to thank Finch for saving his life and figure out what the hell Kara uploaded into the system at that DoD facility.

* * *

"Mr. Wesley." Alistair Wesley looked up to see one of his men standing above him. He motioned for him to sit down, nodding before taking a seat.

"So, what do you have?" The man handed him a manila folder that was filled with a lot of papers, and photographs of Jocelyn Carter, her young son Taylor Carter, and John Reese.

"We have been following her as per your request, Mr. Wesley."

"She's quite the lovely woman. It makes sense as to why Mr. John Reese is so infatuated with her." He sifted through some rather lewd photographs of John and Jocelyn Carter that the man took, before looking up at his man with irritation. "Voyeurism, I didn't ask for you to take photos of them locked in their trysts, I asked for you to follow, to observe the detective for _useful_ information." this was an invasion of privacy he might sell his services to the highest bidder, however, he had his principles! He had a half a mind to retire this man efficiently and effectively for disobeying his order.

"It was a free show." The man shrugged. Wesley went back to looking through the data the man collected on the dear detective and her relationship with Reese. He smiled, happy at the amount of useful information the man had gotten for him. Maybe, his first critique of this man was a bit harsh, he just got his jollies at watching a free porno.

"Very good, I see a pattern, and a plan of attack. We'll grab John's love, which will bring him to me."

"Using the woman will work only to get him to come see you, boss. How do you know he'll work for you unless you plan on holding onto her for a while?"

"Oh no, no, no, of course we won't disrupt the detective's life for that long. I have a much easier plan. I only need her assistance in getting him to speak with me. I can assure you that he'll do as I advise him because he will not like the ramifications if he doesn't. Now, get back to your job of following the detective, I'll let you know when you can move in and grab her."

"Yes sir." He stood up and walked to the exit, leaving Wesley looking at the manila folder, learning more and more information he could use to his advantage.

* * *

Author's note: Poor Joss always used in plots against John, or to get John to do something he doesn't want to do lol. What a way for Joss to wake John up };P see I can't help myself for not sprinkling in some sort of Careese happiness because this story is going to be all sort of angst...

Thank you as always for such the wonderfulness that are you guys that read, or review I thank you :)


	3. Chapter 3

John had entered the library for the first time in what felt like years and had been attacked by Bear. He sure the hell had missed this dog and it seemed like Bear missed him too. Finch had appeared uncomfortable when he thanked him for saving his life, which he was uncomfortable doing himself.

"So, we have no idea what Kara's virus will do, do we?"

"No, not as of yet, Mr. Reese, but right now we can't even focus on it. The machine gave us a new number." John was glad because that meant he could focus on saving someone's life while putting what happened with Kara and at Rikers behind him.

"Who is it?"

"Brian Richards. He's forty eight years old, divorced, and has two teenage children, his occupation is he's an arson investigator."

"Maybe we should call Joss to see if she knows him or not."

"Joss?" He blinked turning to look at Finch who appeared suspicious all of a sudden. "Mr. Reese I have been meaning to ask you something?"

"What Finch?"

"The morning that you were attacked by Mr. Wesley's men, I called the detective for backup. She told me she had just left your place, why did she visit?"

"To check on me with my cold." John sort of felt wrong for lying but Finch wouldn't appreciate the fact that they were together, hiding it from him for a while, but he just couldn't deal with it right now. John didn't want to admit it but he needed her desperately. She made the ache inside him bearable and he thought she might be right. They could heal one another after what they both went through and he was going to try it that way. His idea of pushing the people away that he cared about and drink himself dead wouldn't work. Not this time. Not when the need for them to be in his life was more powerful than his need to run from the pain.

"I see," Finch didn't sound like he totally believed him, but he wasn't also calling him out on the lie so he figured he was home free.

"I'll go get eyes and ears on Mr. Richards, get me his address," he said, not taking a chance to let Finch ask more questions. If he analyzed it longer and thought about it he most likely would figure them out.

"Of course," Finch stated and John started for the door when he heard him call his name. John knew that had been too easy, he paused looking back at Finch. "Its good to have you back, Mr. Reese, and I'll call Detective Carter to see if she knows him."

"Its good to be back, call me if she has any useful information." John turned back around heading out of the library breathing a sigh of relief. He climbed into his car, looking at the text from Finch with Richards address and slowly began driving, when he received a call from a blocked number. All of his senses went on high alert. Not many people called him on his cell phone and most recently it had been Wesley. He answered the phone and placed it to his ear.

"Oh good Mr. Reese, I was hoping you'd answer my friendly phone call."

"What do you want, Wesley?"

"I have been wanting to come speak with you about a little arrangement but unfortunately you were detained for a bit."

"I'll kill you if you come near me or anyone I care about."

"Oh, come now that's no way to talk to a friend who just wants to buy you a drink, Mr. Reese."

"I don't want your _kind_ offer of a drink."

"You will," John didn't like the threat that was hinted in his tone. John stared in front of him as a slow smile filled his face.

"I can promise you Wesley, that after the day I had yesterday, if I die killing you in the process, I won't care at all."

"You don't even want to live for your pretty little detective?" John clutched his phone tightly.

"You stay away from her."

"Have you talked to her about your suicidal thoughts, Mr. Reese? You shouldn't string a woman along if you have no plans on living. How about that drink, come easily Mr. Reese, or you will not like the repercussions."

"You stay away from her or your death will be painful. I can guarantee it."

"There's the cold blooded murderer that I once knew. I'll have to remember to threaten your pretty little detective and I'll surely get the man I need to help me in a few endeavors I'm about to undertake. I need your assistance, Mr. Reese."

"I'll pass."

"Fine, have it your way, I'm looking forward to seeing you soon, John." John heard the dial tone in his ear. He quickly called Finch.

"Yes Mr. Reese, have you arrived at the-" John shook his head interrupting his friend. "Wesley called me, Finch."

"What did he want?"

"He wanted me to help him with something, though I'm not sure what, but he was threatening Joss."

"Why her?" John paused, hoping Joss would understand but he didn't have time to ask her if she was ready for everyone to know about them or not.

"Because he knows how I feel about her, Finch, he must know we have been seeing each other. We need to get her protected now."

"Mr. Reese, we have a problem." Okay so that wasn't exactly what he had been expecting when he told Finch about Carter and him. But something was clearly worrying Finch right now that was bigger than his confession.

"What?"

"Detective Carter's number just came up as well." John stopped in the middle of the road hearing horns honking as he hurried and turned his car around. He didn't give a damn about anyone else right now, he had to get to Joss!

* * *

"Carter, you alright?" She smiled as she walked towards her desk, seeing Fusco sitting at her desk. She nodded her head and he stood up. "I was worried about ya last night before you went to take wonder boy home."

"Yeah, I'm good. John's going to be okay physically, its his emotional state that's got me worried. But I think he just needs some time to process and heal after this."

"So do you Carter, don't forget about yourself."

"I won't, I promise."

"Can I ask a quick question, Carter, and you can tell me to shove it and I will? But is there something going on between you and wonder boy? Because I'm getting that vibe off you two."

"Wh-what do you mean 'going on' between us?" She pasted on a smile not quite sure what to do if he figured it out.

"I don't know, just the way you two looked at one another in the hallway of the DoD facility. I felt like I was intruding on you with him. Then the big fat crocodile tears that slid down your face when wonder boy told you to take a hike, followed by the sobs that he was alright and your insistence on taking him home. I don't know, I thought something was more than friendly going on between you two."

"Well I-uh-the thing is, John's-" she sighed. She couldn't lie to him about it, he had mostly figured it out and what was the point? John would just have to deal with the fact that Fusco figured it out on his own. "Yes."

"Yes, what? That you are dating the bane of our existence?"

"Maybe your existence but not mine. And yes we are dating." She slowly smiled and Fusco's appalled look was making it grow on her face. "Its not that bad."

"Not that bad, not that bad, is he normal?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't want you to get hurt, Carter, and that's all this relationship with wonder boy will bring ya."

"If I wanted your opinion I would have told you when we started dating."

"When did you start dating him? I can't even believe I'm using the word 'date' and wonder boy in the same sentence," he griped eyeing her.

"A while ago, after he took a freezing dip while at Oyster Bay. John kissed me, screwing things up for me and Beecher. We started dating just after we saved the governor before John was attacked."

"Wait, so you turned down Beecher for wonder boy?"

"It was mutual for us, Fusco, and besides you hated Cal, remember?"

"Yeah, well he would have been a better choice than wonder boy is."

"That's a matter of opinion and to me John's my _only_ choice. I don't want to hear anymore because it doesn't matter what you think, Fusco. I love him and you can't tell me otherwise."

"You love him?" Joss refused to feel defensive of her relationship with John. But blurting out how she felt about John was nobody's business but their own. Great, now Fusco was going to be an even bigger pain about it.

"Yeah, what of it? He's a good man Fusco even if you don't think he is." Anger was building in her and she glared at her partner. She knew he would act like this but she figured he'd shut it the moment she told him she wanted it.

"Whoa, calm down Carter. I'm sorry for getting judgmental on ya, its just you're my partner and friend, I just want to see you be happy."

"And I am…with John."

"Okay, I'll get on board with you two dating as long as he continues to make you happy. If not, he'll have to answer to me." She smiled softly at the concern and loyalty Fusco was showing her.

"Thanks, Fusco, I appreciate the concern, but I'm not letting John go for anyone. Not even himself. He thinks he's this monster. But I know better, he's a good man that is struggling with demons. He needs me and I think John has come to realize that pushing me away won't work."

"Yeah, because he knows you won't budge."

"That, and I think he doesn't want to be alone anymore." She felt happier about where she and John were headed than prior. Last night she worried herself almost ill that John was going to push her away. But that nightmare and him asking her to not to leave him, maybe that's what helped her in the long run. John had been trying to push her away before that and then, after the nightmare, he was more open to the idea that he needed her. Maybe nightmares happened for a reason. Her cell phone rang and she hurried to grab it. Seeing it was a blocked number, but not John's or Finch's, she frowned as she answered it. "Hello?"

"Hello to you, the lovely Detective Jocelyn Carter."

"Who is this?"

"I humbly present to you Alistair Wesley."

"You're the bastard that tried to kidnap John."

"Yes and failed. He's astounding, but I think you happen to agree with that assessment don't you? But in quite a different capacity, am I correct?"

"Stay away from John."

"You two are so protective of one another, its quite endearing really. I do not wish any harm to fall on Mr. Reese, I just wish to seek his assistance with something. So could you please be a dear and tell him to meet me up for that drink, Jocelyn."

"Are you deaf? I just told you to stay away from him, he doesn't need this right now." Why couldn't anyone just leave him alone? He just needed to catch one break, he just needed some space.

"Oh dear, I see that you will not assist me in achieving a business meeting with him."

"No I won't. What was your first clue?!"

"Give my best to him, Jocelyn, and I look forward to meeting you face to face." She opened her mouth to tell him off but the dial tone greeted her ear.

"Who was that, Carter?"

"The guy that attacked John, I have to warn him." She immediately started to dial his number when she got an incoming call from him. She answered on the first ring.

"Joss, you need to come with me, I'm almost to the police station. Your number came up!" She had opened her mouth to blurt what she wanted to say about Wesley but paused.

"Number? What are you talking about, John?" she blinked her eyes, confused. But she shoved that out of her head right now. "John, that Wesley guy just called me."

"What? He called you? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. He asked me to tell you to go meet with him for that drink, and I told him to shove off."

"Joss, I'm here. Have Fusco escort you to my car now."

"John, I can't just leave.

"Do it now." His voice was dark and left no room for discussion. Oh was she going to tell him a mouth full when she was in his car. She told him before she didn't like it when he told what to do and he was telling her what to do again.

"Sure thing sweetie." She hung up on him, angrily grabbing her piece, holstering it once more before tugging her jacket on. "I got to go Fusco. Could you escort me to John's car, I'm not allowed to walk alone because my boyfriend says so." Fusco gave her a smirk at her tone.

"Wonder boy pissed you off huh?"

"Yes." She stomped towards the exit with Fusco walking a safe distance behind her. Joss saw John's car parked off to the side and she waved Fusco off. "Go back inside Fusco, I'm fine."

"Oh no, I'm not getting in the middle of your lover's spat with wonder boy. He wanted me to walk with you and I am."

"Who do you want to piss off more, Fusco, him or me?"

"Honestly, neither. But if he seems to think you're in danger I'm doing as he says." Joss yanked her arm free of his hand as they walked to John's car. Joss yanked the door open, climbed in, and sat down without saying a word-but if looks could kill... John leaned over to look at Fusco.

"Thank you, Lionel."

"You two are dating, you take good care of Carter or you have to answer to me."

"You're threatening me, Lionel?"

"No, making a promise." Joss looked between both men and scowled as she threw her hands up in the air.

"MEN!" Fusco pushed away from the door and she slammed the door shut, watching Fusco leave before pinning John was with a glare. "Who the hell do you think you are John, telling me what to do? I have a job to do. In case you forgot, I'm a homicide detective for the NYPD. I am capable of taking care of myself and-mmmmmmmm." She sighed when his mouth crashed on hers, making her forget she was pissed at him. Joss wrapped her arms around his neck savoring the feel of his mouth on hers. Her fingers involuntarily played with the v shaped hair at the nap of his neck. She moaned, kissing him back with an equal amount of passion before she pushed back out of the kiss. "-and you can kiss me all you want John, it still doesn't make me less mad at you." she was proud of herself for finishing her sentence. John's kiss had left her wanting more, she needed to hold onto her anger!

"Whatever, Joss, I don't care as long as you are safe." He turned to sit forward in his seat and he pulled away from the curb.

"John, what did you mean by my number came up?"

"Its how we find out whose in trouble; we get a social security number."

"Okay, how?"

"I shouldn't be telling you this because it could lead to you being hurt."

"Spit it out John, because I deserve to know."

"I don't want you to get hurt."

"Just tell me."

"Finch built a machine to detect acts of terrorism, except it saw every premeditated murder, or any harmful crime really. The government gets the relevant list while Finch and I get the irrelevant list. All we get is a social security number and that's it, we don't know if they are good or bad, we just know they are involved somehow. Yours came up again Joss, just like when Elias wanted you dead. I will not let someone harm you." What he said left her reeling. A machine that was an artificial intelligence that could know acts of crime were going to be committed? She didn't know what to think of it. All she knew right now was that her number coming up had to deal with this Wesley guy calling her. It was almost too coincidental. "You haven't said anything, Joss."

"What can I say. I'm not even sure if I can fully believe what you're telling me, but I don't see why you'd lie about it."

"You think I'm lying to you?" She heard the anger in his voice but she shrugged. She couldn't help it, it sounded so outrageous, yet Finch was a little computer genius and she had heard rumbles of the government wanting such a thing created. She just never figured it would come true.

"No, I don't," she sighed. "Where are you taking me?"

"Somewhere safe."

"John, I'm not hiding."

"Yes you are."

"There you go again, dictating to me what I am going to do. Well, its not happening, you may as well stop the car."

"Can you for once stop being so stubborn, Joss, and listen to me? I'm not in the mood to argue with you."

"Neither am I. But it looks like we are headed for an argument because I'm not hiding. He's after you John, not me."

"You're not listening to me, Carter. Your number came up so you're the one in danger." Her anger increased tenfold the moment he called her 'Carter.' Joss turned to eye his profile seeing the anger on his face. "You're going to a safe place just for now, till Harold and I can figure out what's going on. Please." She quelled the independent side of her that wanted to scream she could take care of herself. She watched him carefully and wondered if maybe going into hiding for the time being was best for him. John would blame himself if something happened that he couldn't prevent and he was already hurting from Kara strapping him with a bomb. She didn't know what else he could take and she was worried about his emotional state.

"Okay." she agreed, hating it, but doing it for him. "I'll do it, but only because it will make you happy. But when this is over, you and I are going to have a long damned discussion over what you get to tell me that I can and cannot do, understood John?" She clamped down on her rising anger at him over his macho man mentality. They pulled up to some building complex.

"This is one of Finch's many safe locations we use for other persons we save. You should be safe here." She climbed out when he did.

"What about my son?"

"Its best for you to stay in the safe house till further notice, I will pick Taylor up from school and bring him to you." He escorted her inside. Joss followed him up one floor and into a nice quaint apartment.

"Even his safe locations for people are nice." She sighed taking in the décor.

She looked back at John as he briefly checked in the fridge, she assumed to make sure she had food and beverages.

"I'll be back when its clear or to bring your son to you. Don't answer the door for anyone unless its Finch or me."

"Yes sir." She saluted him with a snotty tone. John was in front of her in seconds, his blue eyes icy.

"I don't care if you like this or not Joss, I can't lose you. So if I have to cuff you to the god damn bed to force you to stay put, I will." Joss found herself not angry at his threat. Actually she found herself turned on by it.

"You think you scare me with that threat?" She lifted her head in defiance. "If I want to leave I will." She breathed happily as he angrily smashed his mouth onto hers. She sucked in a ragged breath as his hands were on her hips pulling her towards him. Joss kissed him back, her hands going for his pants, needing him to be inside her. God she needed it, she knew it wouldn't take long for her to find her climax. He pushed out of the kiss.

"I don't have time Joss."

"Make time," she breathed in his ear but he pushed back. Her hands dropped to her sides. Well damn, now she felt like he probably had this morning when she had taken the time to pleasure him. Her eyes strayed downwards.

"I have to go, Joss, just remember what I said."

"Oh, I promise I won't forget it," she returned sugary sweet. John stormed out of the apartment and she slid the lock closed and leaned against the heavy door. Even though she was seething with anger, she had wanted to tear the man's clothes off. God, he made her feel so many things at once it was all overwhelming and yet satisfying. Joss moved from the door after a few minutes, when she heard a knock quickly. "John, is that you?"

"No its not." She let out a startled sound, her hand immediately going for her pistol when the door immediately burst open and she had about five men with guns drawn on her. "Hands in the air." The thick British accent was almost hard to understand, but she slowly lifted her hands up. Joss was patted down and they took not only her state issued piece, but found her small pistol she had at her ankle as well. They used her cuffs to cuff her hands behind her back.

"You didn't touch John, did you? You leave him alone." Joss snapped, tugging on her cuffed wrists.

"Mr. Reese, is safe ma'am. We weren't here for him. Boss, says we aren't equipped to deal with him, and that you will bring him to us." They tugged on her arm to propel her forward.

"I'll be damned if I'm going to help you bring John in on whatever reason you want him for." She growled as she was lead in the opposite direction from the way John brought her up. They must have been following her which left her very unsettled. Joss just hoped that John would refuse to go meet with this Wesley guy. She had a very bad feeling growing inside her as she was lead to a black SUV and was deposited in the back.

* * *

Author's note: Yay, both Finch and Fusco know about their relationship, its about time :D Awwwwww I love how protective John and Joss are with one another they want to protect the other from harm so much! This is why these two melt my heart 3

Thanks for reading, reviewing, or following or whatever I appreciate it all so thank you! Time Lapse will have a new chapter tonight because after I am done with posting this, its off to work for me. The posts for this will come quicker since the final chapter is the way I like it now so I don't have to go back to earlier chapters to tweak anything else. Thanks Elaine again for being my sounding board and helping me collect my jumbled thoughts on the end of this story!


	4. Chapter 4

"I have Joss at a safe location, I'm heading my way over to the library now Finch. See if Lionel can get to Brian Richards right now."

"Detective Fusco has been calling, offering to help us with Carter's situation. I think we should use it."

"Lionel can make sure Mr. Richards is alright. I'll see to Joss's situation."

"Mr. Reese, you cannot allow your personal feelings for the detective to cloud your judgment. This is precisely why I didn't want a relationship of this sort to happen between you and the detective."

"Well it happened, Finch."

"Why did you keep it secret?"

"Because we didn't even know if it would work out, Finch. She didn't want yours or Lionel's opinions to ring in our heads as we figured things out. I'm sorry, Finch, but it was for the best for us at the time."

"No need to apologize, Mr. Reese. I think I can understand why you and the detective did as you did. I'll get used to the detective and you being more than friends. It will just take some time."

"Thanks, Finch."

"I'll call Detective Fusco to go be on the watch of Brian Richards." John was glad that Finch wasn't going to give him anymore problems about working on Joss's situation. He arrived at the library ten minutes later, hurrying inside, seeing Joss's photo taped up to their glass pane. His lips tightened as anger spread through him. If Wesley thought to go after her, he would shoot the man dead. A knee cap shot wasn't good enough for him.

"I think Wesley, is behind Joss's number coming up again. He called both of us, then her number comes up. It has to be Wesley that is placing her life in danger and once I found him, I'll make sure he can never hurt Joss or anyone else ever again."

"Mr. Reese, I'm sorry you have to deal with this after your recent ordeal." John eyed Finch, seeing the concern and almost pity in his eyes.

"Don't feel sorry for me, Finch, my past has a way of coming back to haunt me. Now its got Joss in the crosshairs."

"Mr. Reese, she'll be alright, she's tough, you know that." He knew that but the need to make sure she was safe was so overwhelming he didn't want to leave her alone. John's phone rang and he pulled it out seeing it was that same unknown number. He answered it.

"Hello Wesley."

"Oh hello, my dear friend."

"You stay away from Joss."

"That's not going to be easy Mr. Reese, because I have your 'friend' here and she wants to say hello." John heard noise in the background and it felt like his heart dropped to his feet when he heard Joss's voice in the background. "Say hello dear, its rude to keep a person waiting."

"John, stay away-" Joss's desperate voice filled the phone as he clutched it tighter before he heard muffled noises.

"She's quite the woman and rather mouthy too. I bet when she's in bed with you she has a powerful set of lungs."

"You hurt her, I will kill everyone that works for you and then I'll come after you. You'll be begging me to end your miserable life when I get through with you."

"Oh relax, Mr. Reese. I promise that I will not harm your lovely detective. I just want that drink. Once you come, weaponless, she's a free woman. I promise we won't talk about anything until my men dropped her off safely and you have talked with her. Nothing will happen to one hair on her head-I can guarantee it."

"I'm on my way."

"Come alone or I will kill her. Give me a call when you're on the road." John was greeted with the dial tone again and he slowly withdrew the earpiece.

"I overheard the conversation, Mr. Reese, this is a set up. You cannot go through with it."

"If I don't he'll kill Joss. I will not let that happen." Finch gave a shutter at Reese's lethal tone. He had no doubt that Wesley's days were numbered.

"Please, be alright Mr. Reese." he put the earpiece down and his weapon before he walked towards the exit ready to do anything to keep Joss safe.

* * *

Joss struggled hard on the cuffs for the millionth time as she glared at the slimy blonde haired man. She hated this guy, he was using her to bring John to him. Whatever he wanted from John, wasn't good and she was damned if she was going to let John help this man. He walked over to her with a small smile on his face. He lowered the gag and she tugged on her leg but couldn't move it. They had tied her legs to the chair's legs because she had kicked one of his men in the crotch.

"Let me go and I promise not to shoot you too many times." Joss growled tugging once again.

"You served your purpose Jocelyn, he's coming."

"No."

"Yes, and I must bid you farewell to go to meet with Mr. Reese."

"No, leave him alone."

"I'm not going to hurt him Jocelyn I promise. If he plays my game right everyone he loves is safe. If he doesn't well I cannot make any promises then. I like when people play my games fairly. If I win I win fairly if I lose I lose fairly its quite simple."

"Right, like I believe that when you'll lose, you'll lose fairly."

"Oh I'm not a sore loser, I promise you that. Mr. Reese has already won against me prior, then again with the governor, and once again when my team couldn't even get him out of his apartment. So you see I'm not a sore loser since I could have killed you many times already to spite him but that's not how I am. Your lover, is quite skilled at murder Ms. Carter and I need that." Joss shook her head. This guy was going to use her to get John to murder someone? That would kill John.

"No, he won't do it."

"Oh yes he will because he won't have a choice. Jocelyn it's the game, and he'll play whether or not he wants too. But enough talk I need to go and it was so lovely to meet you and I hope never to see you again for your sake." Joss felt desperation kick in as the man whirled around leaving her with several armed men. She struggled hard, needing to get off of this damned chair to keep John from going to meet with this man. "When I'm with Mr. Reese, I'll call you to take her someplace neutral, give her an untraceable burner phone, and leave her understood." Joss struggled in despair as his men nodded and Wesley turned walking out of the building they were holding her in.

"Please, let me go."

"Sorry no can do, the boss says that you stay here till he calls, and that is what's gonna happen. Your boyfriend is safe for now as long as he does what the boss wants."

* * *

John walked towards the small rundown bar that Wesley had told him to meet him at when two men appeared out of it. He barely resisted the urge to pummel them instead he stood waiting. "Hands." John held up his hands. The men patted him down to make sure he was weaponless and was satisfied when they found none. He entered followed in by the two men and he saw Wesley sitting in a booth with a few of his guards milling around pretending to be other customers. John, slowly sat down opposite of him.

"Its good to see you again, Mr. Reese, I took the liberty to order you a scotch."

"Joss, where is she?"

"Oh, right I did promise you that you would get to speak with her when you arrived and I'm a man of my word." he pulled out a phone and quickly dialed it. "Yes, hello put her on, he's arrived." Wesley handed him the phone which he took it quickly.

"Hello, John?" John closed his eyes hearing her voice glad she was alright.

"You okay they didn't hurt you did they?"

"No, they were very gentlemanly with me, but John they want you too-" John felt the phone ripped from his hand from a man standing behind him. He looked up at him before he flicked his dark gaze onto Wesley.

"So you wanted that drink together, now what?"

"I need to use your services John, I have never seen a man quite as skilled as you are. I need that."

"I'm not for hire, I've told you that before."

"I know that you made your feelings on that perfectly clear, but you don't understand the severity of your situation."

"I can kill you before they get one shot on me."

"You don't want to do that Mr. Reese."

"And why not?"

"Because your little detective and her son die as well. So not only would I be gone and you, but so would they."

"What are you talking about?" Wesley smiled as he pulled out an ipad. John tried to control his anger and fear as he hit a button and John saw Taylor's school a close up through a window of it and saw Taylor sitting in class writing.

"I have several snipers on your detective and her son. The moment you don't my game they die, the moment you don't play by my rules they die. You remember the game now don't you, Mr. Reese?"

"What do you want?"

"Easy." he pulled out photographs. John recognized the one photo it was their new number Brian Richards. "I want you to kill these people for me."

"You want to force me to kill these men for you?"

"Yes, you should start with Mr. Richards, he is the easiest of the four men. The others are all well trained, and equally smart. But you, you have a knack for killing Mr. Reese. I know all about you and I need to use your gift or the people you love die."

"Gift?"

"Yes, your gift. Some people are gifted doctors that save life, your gift is to take life." John shook inside. He didn't want to believe that was true, he wasn't some gifted assassin. Every life he took during his years in the military and CIA had taken a piece of him with them. Was he really a cold blooded murderer? "Or I could just tell my teams to kill the boy first."

"If I kill these men how do I know you won't hurt Joss or Taylor?"

"Because you played the game and you wouldn't have broken any of my rules so they wouldn't be harmed. I enjoy games as you know, Mr. Reese, and this time I will win not you."

"Why do you want them dead?"

"You don't need to concern yourself of that, Mr. Reese, just know that their deaths saved the lives of the woman you love and her child. You have twenty-four hours to kill Mr. Richards, you don't kill him they die. Please, Mr. Reese, don't try anything I really do not wish to harm the woman you love but I will." John slid from the booth never touching his drink and walked to the door not giving away anything. John, entered his car and he grabbed his cell phone. He called Finch.

"Mr. Reese, oh dear I just picked up Jocelyn right now. They left her in the middle of nowhere." he heard Joss's voice demanding to speak with him.

"John are you alright?" she sounded so fearful for him.

"I'm fine, Joss."

"No your not. What's going on, how can we help? I know he wants you to kill someone, but I'm safe John they won't hurt me. I'll go into hiding."

"It won't work."

"Yes, it will John."

"No, it won't I have twenty four hours to kill Brian Richards and if I don't Wesley will kill you and your son. He has snipers on you and Taylor as we speak, multiple snipers, Joss."

"Oh god." she paused and he could hear panic in her voice. "You can't kill him John, there's got to be another way."

"I break the rules you die, I don't play the game you die Joss."

"You can't kill that man to save my life."

"I can't let you die either."

"John, please that's not you, you're not a killer!"

"Wesley, says my gift is to take life Joss. It is why they recruited me into the CIA, I should just accept what I've been fighting for a very long time."

"Its not your gift don't let them poison you John." he heard the tears in her voice. "Please, he gave you a time frame right, so just let us figure something out. You have twenty four hours please John, just come talk to me okay."

"Okay," he said as he forced himself to shut off all emotions as he continued to drive. He needed to figure out another option for himself before the twenty-four hours ended, he would have to either kill Mr. Richards to save Joss and Taylor or watch them die.

* * *

Author's note: I tried to post this yesterday I really did, but I had some other things sidetrack me so I had to push it back till today. Poor Joss, she was literally only used to force John into a tough position :( But I love Wesley he's so delightfully evil :D

Thanks for being patient for this chapter, for some reason I just never posted it? But with Unexpected Moments finished the updates for this will be quicker as will Time Lapse, which will be updated again soonish everyone is waiting patiently for happier moments in that, which there is a cute little scene in the next chapter :D

Anyways thank you, for everything you guys are so sweet!


	5. Chapter 5

_**Author's note: I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry for not updating this in a long while, you will harm me when I say I forgot(pleads for life). I have had a lot on my mind lately, this poor story the final chapters have been sitting on my computer waiting patiently for me, and I forgot about it. So I'm going to make sure I post the final three chapters one after another one today, tomorrow, and then on Thursday to finish it off. I cannot believe I forgot about my own story, thank you to a certain someone for the gentle PM reminder(you know who you are, thank you for being nice about it to remind me to post for my own story)**_.

* * *

The moment John walked in the door of his apartment he looked miserable and pale. Joss ran to him and wrapped her arms around him. She was panic stricken over her son and the fact that Wesley had snipers on him, waiting for the kill order, but she was trying to keep the hysteria down to a minimum. They always figured something out and they were going to this time as well. Everyone was going to be safe: her, her son, John, and the men Wesley wanted John to kill.

"We'll find another way," she whispered in his ear.

"Where's Finch?" Reese asked as if on autopilot.

"He's with Fusco picking up my son, getting a few things for us to stay at your place, and getting us dinner. I wanted to wait for you. John, please listen to me, we'll figure something out." She pushed back grabbing his face in her hands.

"How long has Finch been gone?" Still emotionless, still on autopilot.

"Only like five minutes, why?" His mouth crashed down on hers and she moaned at the intensity of it. She gasped hotly as the kiss was blistering hot, John's tongue evaded her mouth as his hands cupped her ass pulling her to him. He pushed out of the kiss to tear at her clothing. Joss was being pushed towards his bedroom while his hands pawed at her shirt which technically was his shirt to begin with. Joss couldn't even deny that she needed to be with him as she pushed at his long jacket and suit jacket till they fell from his shoulders. Joss needed him inside her this instant. They collapsed on his bed struggling with their clothing. Joss moaned as his hands abandoned tugging at her shirt to grab her ass to pull her against him snugly. Joss felt his erection pressing into her and she ground up into him. Joss forced him onto his back leaning over him, kissing him as her hands desperately worked his buttons.

Finally when she had the buttons undone she let him sit up and he shrugged it off. He got hers undone finally himself and hers followed his to the floor.

"Joss, I love you." He whispered roughly as he rolled them over and stood up to knock her heels off and toed off his own shoes. "I need you to know that." His eyes shone bright and she saw the emotions filling his face. She saw the love, but she also could see the agony underneath it.

"I love you too John." she sat up grabbing his undershirt tugging it from his pants. He yanked it over his head. "Your gift isn't to kill John, you're a good man." He shuddered as he kissed her silent and he laid back down on top of her and she wrapped her arms around his neck. She gasped when he palmed her one breast. They broke the kiss and she bit his shoulder harshly when he played with her nipple through her silky bra. "We'll figure something out," she gasped when he yanked her bra cups down exposing her breasts to him. He teased one nipple with his tongue and she grabbed desperately at his hair holding him to her chest. Joss felt herself grow wetter when he moaned against her chest, urging her hips up into his again. John pushed back and grabbed her loosened pants tugging them along with panties down her hips. Joss released her bra, leaving herself naked for him, her breasts swollen, her nipples hard and standing taut, as if begging for John's touch.

John finished the rest of his clothing too and she smiled happily seeing him fully erect. Good, she needed him in her now. She tugged him down on top of her, her knees bent, her legs spread wide to accommodate him. Joss felt his warm, hard, and incredibly thick cock teasing her. Joss moaned when he trembled above her and he attempted to pull away. Joss didn't want anymore foreplay, she didn't want John teasing her with his mouth, she wanted him inside her filling her. Joss reached down between them and wrapped her hand around him, loving his soft moan as his eyes shut and his head flung back. Joss knew he couldn't help himself as his hips flexed and she took full advantage as she slid him into her slick heat. John's hearty groan was music to her ears as he slid fully inside her.

"Oh god," she moaned just as he moaned her name. They stayed joined, not moving, gasping for breath for about a minute before John looked her deep in the eyes as he grabbed her hands with his. John began moving inside her slowly at first. He withdrew from her and plunged back in slowly building his rhythm.

"Joss, I-" he closed his eyes as he stroked inside her.

"John, I love you," she gasped as she met him thrust for thrust. Joss tugged her hands free as he seemed to concentrate more on wanting to make her fall apart in a matter of seconds. Joss wasn't going to be able to hold off her climax much longer at this rate and she wanted him with her. She leaned up off the bed and rolled them over giving him no chance to stop her. He was flat on his back and she took immediate control. Joss left him no choice but to enjoy being on the bottom. She looked down at him, seeing the surprise on his face but he didn't seem upset. Joss found a much quicker tempo then his had been. John's hands were on her hips and she loved the look on his face. He was letting go of everything right now that was weighing him down. Joss leaned down so that her hands were beside his head as she continued to move on top of him. "You're mine to protect John-forever," she gasped in his ear as she struggled to stop the orgasm working its way forward. John didn't seem to want to stop it, his one hand moved from her hip to touch her lightly between her legs.

"Oh-god, John." Joss's entire body shuddered as she went still on top of him, he filled her deeply as her orgasm crashed into her. Joss felt like she was struck by lightning as it exploded from everywhere inside her. Joss found herself flat on her back as spasm after spasm of her orgasm rocked her. John's ragged groans filled her ear as he fisted her hair and Joss watched the moment he came immediately after her. His head flung back and the loud hoarse shout of her name sent tiny spasms of additional pleasure through her. When finally both their orgasms faded they slid to the bed panting in breaths, their bodies hot from their lovemaking.

They laid in bed for a good ten minutes without saying a word. John just stroked a hand through her hair as she laid beside him. Joss slowly looked at his face, seeing it was a mask hiding his emotions from her. Joss was upset with him about a few things but they would have to wait till this nightmare with Wesley was over.

"You promised not to shut me out, remember? Talk to me." She ran a hand across his chest. His eyes flickered over to her, nodding his head.

"I don't know what to do. If we can't find a way out of this I will not let you get hurt."

"John, you can't kill that man."

"Joss, what if I have no choice?"

"There's got to be another way, there just has to be."

"Not one that I think of right now." he rolled out of bed and Joss watched him begin dressing again. She needed to do so as well, not knowing when Taylor, Finch, and Fusco would get here. She didn't want to have to try to explain to her kid that she was sleeping with John.

"We'll think of something, I promise John," she assured him as she climbed out of bed herself. Fifteen minutes later Taylor, Fusco, and Finch had all arrived and no one was the wiser that they had just made love together. They sat eating in silence for a little while before Taylor spoke up.

"So, no one's saying anything but I'm taking it I'm in some kind of trouble aren't I, mom?" She looked at her son after finishing her container of Chinese food.

"Taylor, it's a sensitive issue, but yeah there's a problem. A man is targeting me and you because of my relationship with John." Taylor eyed John but Joss wasn't going to let anyone blame him, least of all John himself.

"They want to use us to hurt you, don't they Mr. Badass?" Taylor asked.

"Sort of, they want to use you to make me do something that I wouldn't do."

"I'm not a baby, you can tell me," Taylor said. Joss didn't want him to know, but it seemed like John was going to tell him anyway.

"The man said that if I don't kill four people for him he'll kill you and your mom." She watched as Taylor's mouth opened and his eyes showed his panic.

"Its going to be okay, Taylor," she assured him as John flung his food down and walked away from the kitchen. Joss eyed Finch and Fusco, before standing up to follow him. Joss found him in the living room looking out the room's only window.

"They can be anywhere, readying themselves to kill you and Taylor right now, Joss."

"Maybe, or maybe they know that they can try to manipulate you into doing it because they know how you feel about me. John, you don't know that they have snipers on us."

"Yes, I do." He turned around. "He showed me, Joss. It's the same way he played his game before, the only difference is before I outwitted him. This time he outsmarted me. He watched me, learned how I work, he found my weak point and he struck." Joss felt like John had slugged her. So that's how he viewed their relationship, as a weakness?

"A weakness, that's how you view me, our love as a weakness? I see it as a strength, it makes you and I both better people, John." She tried to mask her hurt but wasn't succeeding well by the look on his face as he drew away from the window taking small steps towards her but stopped short.

"I didn't mean it that way! Of course I don't view you as a weakness; how can I, Joss? You are the strongest woman I know. What I meant is that Wesley figured out how to neutralize me by using my feelings for you to his advantage." His eyes were tired, his body slumped in defeat. John never gave up and she wasn't going to allow him to give up now. There had to be another way to fix this, there just had to be. John had gotten through what Kara put him through; he and Joss would do the same-together this time. Then they could heal together from all the pain they had to endure these past few days.

"Maybe we can outsmart him again John, maybe we can use the fact that he thinks he knows how you feel to our advantage."

"I'm not placing you or your son at risk Joss,"

"So you'll put these men's lives at risk?" The situation was terrible, it was like choosing being between a rock or a hard place.

"I need to go." He went to walk past her when she stepped directly in front of him, eyeing him.

"Where are you going John?" she demanded and, like that, pain exploded on his features, his entire face was drawn as if she had just struck him. His eyes turned icy as he figured out what she had been thinking.

"So you do think I'm nothing more than a cold blooded killer like everyone else thinks. So you've been lying to yourself, to me, and to anyone that would listen to you about me being a good man." His words were slow, painful, as if he lost all reason; she began shaking inside. No it wasn't what she thought of him, it was what he thought of himself, and she was worried he was going to make a rash decision. Tears filled her eyes as bile rose up her throat. She jumped to the conclusion that he had been leaving to go do something he'd regret. She felt desperation in her as John walked around her. She immediately reached out and clasped his hand in hers.

"I'm so sorry, John!" She held onto his hand tightly, like it was a lifeline, not wanting him to walk out that damn door thinking she thought he was a murderer. Joss waited for him to look at her, but he didn't. He continued to stare off into the distance, probably not seeing anything. She could see the clear lines of anguish on his face, her words had wounded him far more than any physical trauma he had suffered in his life.

"Must have been really hard for you to have sex with a monster earlier, Joss. I mean, I must have misread your disgust for pleasure. My mistake, but don't worry, my murdering hands won't touch you ever again." A sob escaped her at the words felt like lethal blow after blow, each word tearing at her open heart. It wasn't what she thought, it was what he had thought and what he still did. He wouldn't ever feel good enough for her, and she had pressed John's self destruct button with her stupid question. Joss saw Finch, Fusco and her son in the doorway of the kitchen, watching them with concern. John just blurted out to the world the sexual nature of their relationship, but she didn't care at the moment, the more pressing matter was getting John to listen to her.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it," she whispered for his ears only. Tears flowed down her face like a faucet with no hope of stopping, these past few days playing hell on her emotions. "_You are a good man_!" She shouted, but the words came out muffled from the lump in her throat when he shrugged her off of him. "Don't let Wesley, Kara, or anyone else take that from you!" He whirled around and she saw absolutely nothing in his eyes. No light. Nothing. It frightened her; she was losing him, his past was killing him slowly, and she just added salt to his wounds. She had kicked him when he was down and she had no way of fixing it. John didn't want to let her.

"They don't have to take that from me, Joss, because no one thinks I'm a good man. They know the real me, I'm nothing but a cold blooded murderer. I felt nothing when I took lives before and I won't feel anything when I take these men's lives to save yours and your son's."

"That's a lie, John! If you kill this man it will kill you!" Joss' voice trembled as he turned to look away from her. Joss struggled to stop a sob and she almost sagged in relief when Fusco blocked John's exit. He had his gun drawn aimed directly at John.

"Get out of my way Lionel."

"No, I'm not. You love her, John, so don't even think you're going to walk out of here without patching things up between you two. I'll clip you and force you two to talk. Go on, forgive her, kiss and make up while I think I can stomach seeing it."

"There's nothing to forgive Joss for, she was only speaking the truth."

"Yes there is John, I hurt you with asking you where you were going because we both knew it was a thinly veiled attempt to make sure you weren't going to kill that man. I'm sorry, so very sorry John, I don't think you are a cold blooded killer. I was just worried you were going to do something you'd regret. I don't think you are a monster, I never have and I never will. I am in love with you, please forgive me." Joss stood helplessly staring at the back of his head. His body was stiff before he turned around staring at her for a few moments before taking a few steps towards her and wrapped her in an embrace. Joss closed her eyes feeling hot tears fall from her eyes as she wrapped her arms around him. She gently held him, keeping her face buried in his neck, feeling like the world was throwing every damn obstacle it could in their way, testing them. "Please say you forgive me," she whispered after a few moments of holding him. "I didn't mean it; you're a wonderful man, John. You've just been so hurt in your life. Please, say you forgive me. Please," she begged, holding on to him for dear life, for both of their lives.

"I forgive you." She pushed back and looked him in the eyes. She didn't see anything really in them that gave away what he was feeling, but she guessed it was the best she could take right now. Joss was going to find a way to make it up to him for what she'd said. She didn't know how though, but she would find a way.

* * *

John sat on the couch with Joss pressed against him while Taylor was sound asleep on the sofa chair across from them. Joss was holding onto him possessively, as if she was afraid he was going to disappear on her. John looked down at her, brushing a finger across her cheek, hating that he put her through so much turmoil earlier. It had hurt when he had been going to leave just to get some air that she thought he was going to kill Brian Richards. It hurt because, in his mind, she believed he was a cold blooded monster that everyone else thought he was. John had been wracking his brain for a way out of the current situation they were in. He eyed his watch seeing he had another 10 hours to go before his time limit was up.

Joss had fallen asleep against him an hour or so ago. Finch and Fusco had left a few hours prior to that after they all had tried to come up with a plan of action. He had a small idea, one that held some merit for him, but he was sure that Joss, Finch, and Fusco wouldn't be all that happy with it. He looked down at Joss, but it didn't matter as long as she and Taylor were safe, then it would be worth it. He slid from her arms, reaching out to touch her one last time. He felt tears well up in his eyes. "I love you Jocelyn Carter," he whispered softly so as not to wake her, knowing he wasn't ever going to see her again.

"Where are you going?" He blinked and looked over to her son who was awake and looking at him. His eyes immediately fell to Joss, if she was awake she'd never let him leave. He looked back at her son.

"I'm going to make this right so that you and your mom are safe," he said quietly, matter-of-factly.

"You're not going to kill those men, are you?" John hid the pain the question induced.

"No, Taylor I'm not going to kill anyone, I promise," he smiled.

"So where are you going then?"

"Don't wake your mother."

"No offense but if I think I should, I am. So again where are you off to, Mr. Badass?" he sighed, he was definitely Joss's kid.

"I'm going to fix this for you and your mom. I'm sorry I can't be more forthcoming with you, Taylor. The less you know, the better off you are." He walked away from Taylor, going to the closet off the hallway, grabbing a pistol, then his suit jacket before he exited the apartment, hoping the young man wouldn't wake Joss up. Joss wouldn't let him do this, even if it was for the best.

* * *

Finch's eyes hurt as he hobbled into the library where Bear was anxiously waiting for him. The dog looked around for his master who he sorely missed, laying his head down dejectedly when John didn't appear. He was going to have to ask Mr. Reese to spend more time with Bear after his ordeal in Rikers, but only after this new threat was handled. He was truly worried, if they couldn't come up with some plan of action soon, he was sure Mr. Reese would do something unthinkable.

Just what? What could they do to outwit Wesley into making him think that Mr. Reese was doing his dirty work for him, yet everyone survived by the end of it? Finch sighed, sitting down, his mind scrambling for something, anything that could possibly work. He placed his head in his hands and his back stiffened as he sat back. An idea came to his mind. It could work if everyone played their parts right. He'd needed several female and male African Americans that had similar weight and height as Taylor and Jocelyn Carter. He eyed his watch seeing he had about ten hours to get this all orchestrated. Finch got to work, making several calls to local theaters he had donated money, asking for their help. They agreed to help out one of their biggest benefactors. Finch hurried to call Mr. Reese to express his good news but the call immediately went to voicemail, which was strange. Mr. Reese never turned his cell phone off. Finch called Detective Carter, she picked up on the first ring.

"Finch, John's missing." He hadn't been given a chance to say a word.

"Calm down Jocelyn, what do you mean he's missing?"

"I woke up and he was gone, Finch. He'd been next to me when I fell asleep, Taylor is sound asleep on the sofa chair, John's nowhere to be had Finch." Her voice was panicky and worried.

"We'll find him before anything happens, I can promise you that,"

"Finch, he can't kill those men for me, it will eat him alive."

"It won't come to that. I came up with an idea, Joss, that could work." He spoke quietly trying to calm the fear, panic, and pain in her voice. "It requires you and Taylor to play 'dress up' okay? Tomorrow morning, I need you and your son to remain in the same clothing as you are wearing right now and step in front of the window."

"Why?"

"Because I need the men that are watching you and your son to know what you are wearing, then after you hang out in front of the window for a few minutes, hurry and change. Do not, I repeat, do not expose your new clothing, be careful not to walk by the window. I'll be sending Detective Fusco with different coats, hats, and scarves to hide your faces as you make your getaway."

"Getaway, Finch these people are highly trained snipers…" Finch nodded his head.

"I know, but Jocelyn I will be having several men and women similar in stature to you and Taylor staying in the surrounding apartments near Mr. Reese's."

"How do you know these people will allow strangers into their apartments?"

"Easy, because the other apartments on Mr. Reese's floor are all empty. I made sure of it, wishing to protect Mr. Reese and his identity."

"You what?" Finch was glad she was focused on this rather than her fear for herself, her son, and Mr. Reese. "Never mind. Won't Wesley's men get suspicious when numerous African Americans just so happen to show up?"

"No, because they are to arrive all at separate times. But rest assured, Jocelyn, by eight o'clock this morning they will all be there."

"Okay-what happens then?"

"Well, I'll be committing a crime, detective. I'll be pulling the fire alarm, sending the entire apartment complex out into the street. You and your son will mingle in with the rest of the others in their haste to get out of the apartment."

"They'll spot us,"

"They spot whom they think is you and your son, because everyone of them will be wearing similar clothing as you and your son WERE. I'll have a designated car for you parked on the curb so you and your son can slip away, I'll text you the coordinates of where I parked it when I get it for you. In the glove compartment I will have a burner phone for you to stay in contact with me and Detective Fusco, as well as one of John's extra pistols."

"Find him," Joss pleaded.

"Try calling him, detective. He might answer your phone call first, rather than mine."

"Do you think this could work?"

"I do, we promised nothing would harm you or your son. Mr. Reese is true to his word. Nothing will harm either one of you, I promise." Finch hoped he could keep this promise.

* * *

Author's note: again sorry for the long wait between chapters and this was the one the angstiest chapters too, sorry again and tomorrow will be chapter 6, minor spoiler: John's idea is not so good.

Thank you for reading, and for the millionth time, I'm sorry for the long update!


	6. Chapter 6

Joss was scared, truly scared. John wasn't answering her phone calls; they kept going to voicemail. She hadn't gone back to sleep since waking up with a kink in her neck, finding John gone. Finch seemed to think this idea of his would work, he had talked with her much of the night trying to calm her down. Everything hinged on these men and women showing up. Joss eyed the clock seeing it was about six A.M. John's time limit was quickly approaching. By eight this morning their plan would be set into motion.

"Taylor, wake up baby," she whispered, moving his arm. Fusco had arrived an hour prior to drop off coats, scarves, and hats hidden in a duffel bag just in case Wesley's men knew he was her partner. Joss had thought better of that, if they were to blend in with the others, they couldn't be wearing the coats and hats, so she asked for Fusco to take the duffel bag and leave it in the car that they were going to use to escape. They couldn't take any chances that the snipers figured out who they were before blending in with the other people. Fusco agreed, dropping off the car key before taking his leave with the duffel bag in tow. Finch had texted her early this morning the location of the car, as well as its make and model. Taylor yawned, wincing a little as he sat up, rubbing at the back of his neck.

"John back yet?" he asked softly still working the sleep from himself. She paused eyeing her son quietly.

"What do you mean 'is he back yet'?"

"He left sometime during the last night."

"Did he say where he was going? Why didn't you wake me up Taylor?" she demanded trying to keep the panic from carrying towards her son, alarming him.

"He asked me not to," he answered like that was a good enough excuse. Joss shook her head.

"Taylor, I'm your mother, you should have awakened me." She tried to keep the anger out of her tone. "Did he say where he was going?" she repeated.

"No, he just said that he was going to make it right for us."

"Oh god."

"He also promised he wasn't going to kill anyone." She ran a hand through her hair, not quite sure what to feel about that. Okay, John must have come up with an idea of his own, but he wasn't picking up the phone so they could explain theirs. What it was, she wasn't sure since he hadn't bothered to wake her up, but maybe Finch knew. Maybe John had contacted Finch by now, in need of assistance for whatever plan it was. She ran to her discarded jacket, grabbing it, looking for the pocket with her cell phone. She and Taylor would stand in front of the window in the morning light in a few minutes, just as planned. She had to know if Finch had heard from John yet. She quickly yanked the cell phone out, dialing first John's number, hoping this time he would answer. It went directly to voicemail again. She dialed Finch's number and he picked up on the second ring.

"Yes detective, have you stood in the window yet? Our stand ins have arrived with none of Wesley's men the wiser." Finch sounded proud but she was still sick with worry.

"Have you heard from John yet?" she whispered hoping and praying he had.

"No, I was sincerely hoping you would have heard from him by now. I looked, but unfortunately Mr. Reese is leaving his cell phone off so I cannot track him. Jocelyn, you and your son need to go stand in front of the window now, call me the moment you are through." She nodded, blinking the tears away. Joss hung up with Finch before moving towards her son. "Come on Taylor we need to look out the window."

"Why?"

"I'll explain later." She whispered, grabbing his hand, she put him in front of her, before she wrapped her arms around his neck and his hands came up to lightly stroke her arm. "Play it up that you are upset Taylor," she whispered in his ear. It wasn't hard, he was scared she knew, it wasn't hard for her either. Her mind was on John, where he was and what he was doing? Joss felt like she had been standing in front of the window for a long time, she motioned for Taylor to move, and she stood in front, so Wesley's men saw her clothing before she moved away from the window. "Baby in a few minutes we are going to change into different clothing, completely different from what we are wearing now. No similar colors at all, got it?"

"Yes mom." She nodded hurrying to call Finch. Finch answered on the first ring.

"It's done Finch."

"Good, detective, but we have a new problem."

"What do you mean besides John's missing, we are about to try to outsmart some snipers?"

"Yes, besides all that. I got a new number, detective, or shall I say a same number again, it's Mr. Reese's. He could be the perpetrator. We need to find him Jocelyn." Joss shook her head, knowing John wasn't the perpetrator. He promised her son he wasn't going to kill anyone and he was a man of his word. Which meant he was going to be the victim.

"Is there any way we can speed up this plan you have?"

"Yes, I'm already heading to John's apartment complex we should be able to get our plan into motion where you and your son are out of harms way."

"Call me when you get here," she commanded before hanging up on him. "Change now Taylor, remember nothing that looks at all the same to the clothing you are wearing now. After you are changed do not walk in front of the window, got it?"

"Yes mom." She would change in a minute. She needed to call Fusco. She dialed his number, waiting for a couple rings before he picked up.

"You okay, Carter, are you hanging in there? I'm looking for wonder boy I haven't seen him yet."

"If he calls you, call me immediately. Finch just got his name from his source. John's idea isn't one he's going to survive from."

"Hold up Carter, wonder boy just contacted me."

"What? Answer it."

"I'll be back." she heard dead air while he left her on the other line. She carried her phone into John's bedroom. It was time to change herself. She chose a fushia colored blouse, and light colored blue jeans. She kept the phone in the crux of her shoulder and ear while she tied her long hair into a tight bun hoping to hide her hair. "Carter you there?"

"Yes,"

"Something's up with Mr. Happy. He just called and told me to come meet him at some new construction site called Strawberry Fields."

"Why?"

"He didn't say, he did say to not call either you or our guy with the glasses." Panic formed in her stomach. She had a sick feeling that she wasn't ever going to see John again.

"Stop him, whatever it is he wants you to do, or he wants to do, stop him." Tears stung at the backs of her eyes. She slid the phone from her ear, hanging up on Fusco as the tears did slide from her eyes.

"What's going on mom?" she turned to look at her son who had been stopped short of the window in John's bedroom. She lowered herself to the floor and crawled to get past the window so none of Wesley's men could see her outfit. "You're crying."

"John needs my help and I don't think I'm going to be able to stop him."

"What's he going to do? He promised not to kill those men and I believe him."

"He's not going to kill them, honey, I promise you that." Joss and Taylor remained on the floor, hiding from the windows, waiting for Finch to call to give them the cue. Joss prayed he would hurry it up. Joss got the call ten minutes later. Her hand was shaking so hard bringing the phone to her ear, when she saw it was Finch.

"It's almost time Jocelyn. Mr. Reese's phone came on for a few minutes. He was at Brian Richards residence." Finch's voice was quiet with worry. Joss blinked her eyes willing the tears away. She believed in the good in him. He wasn't there to kill that man.

"He called Fusco to go meet him at some new construction site Finch. I think his plan involves him dying."

"Oh dear," Finch's labored breathing filled her ear. "We must hurry, are you and your son in position?"

"Not yet." She whispered she motioned for Taylor to follow her. They crawled on the hardwood floors towards the door. She looked towards the window seeing that none of Wesley's men would be able to see them. She motioned for her son to stand, while she did so. "Now we are." She had the phone plastered to her ear, hand hovering above the door knob waiting for the moment the fire alarm went off. It sounded, and she threw the cell phone down on the ground, grabbed her son's hand yanking him with her out of John's apartment. The doors to all the apartments on John's floor opened, Joss almost cried in elation when men and women that matched their clothing, height, and weight all hurried out.

Joss tugged Taylor in front to get down the steps quickly with several of the people meant to fool Wesley's men right behind them. People were filing out of the apartments on the main floor and they rushed with the panicked crowd out of the complex in to the cool morning air. Joss saw one of the men that had been stationed watching the front entrance weaving through seeing several men and women matching their description. . It was like a spy version of Where's Waldo. Joss tugged Taylor away from the commotion to the car parked where Finch had promised and climbed in hurriedly before they sped away. Joss circled, went down subdivisions and generally drove anywhere just to make sure her and Taylor weren't followed.

"Glove compartment honey," she motioned. Taylor's hand shook as he opened it, pulling out a burner phone and a pistol that Finch had placed in the car. She quickly dialed his phone number. "What's happening Finch?"

"I think Wesley's men realized they were just outsmarted and now have to report to their boss. I just force paired with one of Wesley's men, once he contacts Wesley that he lost you I will have Wesley's location. I'll text the location to Detective Fusco to go arrest him." Joss nodded, this had to work, it just had to. Joss hung up with Finch; now having lost her sniper tails, she drove her son to the police station.

"Wait at my desk, if anyone asks, have them call a Detective Szymanski he'll wait with you, you'll be safe there."

"What about you and John, mom?"

"We'll both be safe and sound, I promise baby." She pulled up to the station. Taylor didn't say anything else, just exited the car. She watched him run to the police station safely before she pulled away from the curb. She called Fusco, praying he would answer, after a few rings he did.

"What's going on Carter?"

"We got out, once Finch has Wesley's coordinates he'll text them to you, do you have John?"

"No, I'm just arriving at Strawberry Fields now, its about twenty minutes out, Carter."

"Stall John, I'll be there in ten."

* * *

"Stall John, how?" Fusco grumbled more to himself as he exited, eyeing the ritzy homes being built. Thanks to the snow it appeared the workers were taking the day off. He didn't even know what wonder boy's plan was, let alone how to stall the man? He didn't listen to him, as he saw it, the only person he ever listened to was Carter. She was heading over, so whatever was going on with John, she'd be here to help stop it. Fusco yanked out his phone quickly calling wonder boy.

"Yes Lionel," his words were slow. Wonderboy needed some rest and time off. With Rikers, then the bomb on his chest, now with Carter's life at stake, the guy was having a rough go of it.

"Okay what's going on you being too cryptic even for you."

"Had I known you'd take so long to arrive, I'd have called you sooner, Joss's life is at stake."

"You think I don't know that? If you hadn't gone off the radar you would have heard of four eyes and Carter's plan. Where are you anyway?"

"See the house with the little bit of red brick and mostly just wood framing to your right?" Fusco looked around before finding the home he was speaking about.

"Yeah,"

"I'm there." He hung up on him. Fusco grumbled as he walked over to where Mr. Happy asked him to come meet with him. He walked around the brick wall, entering what would become someone's home, coming face to face with John and who he assumed was Mr. Richards. Fusco pulled out his gun, aiming it on John again for the second time in twenty four hours.

"What's the plan here, John?" Fusco demanded. John had his right forearm wrapped around Brian Richards neck and a gun drawn to his head.

"The plan is to save Joss, her son, and these men."

"Carter and her son are safe."

"Lionel, lying to me doesn't work. Wesley won't harm them if I play his game, I'm just going to change the rules."

"What rules?"

"The rules were to kill these men or Joss and Taylor die."

"I'm with you so far John."

"Wesley never accounted for what might happen if I were to die trying." Fusco just stared at him. That was his plan? To be killed? Didn't he know what that would do to Carter?

"So you called me over here, told me not to call Carter or Finch to what, kill you?"

"I thought you would be happy to be rid of the bane of your existence, Lionel. You did, in fact, try to murder me before, remember? Now I'm letting you kill me for Joss and Taylor's sake." Fusco looked in John's eyes, seeing pain, agony, sorrow, and what appeared to be resolution perhaps floating in them. Okay, he needed to convince John that Carter and Taylor were safe or John might not leave him any choice but to shoot him. "My life isn't worth hers, her son's or these men. Please, Fusco will you save them for me?" Tears filled his eyes as they never strayed from his. Fusco shook his head.

"John, you don't need to do this, they're safe already!"John's eyes shut for a brief moment. "I'm not lying to you, call her, we just spoke on the phone, she's out and safe."

"S-she's got snipers on her, Fusco." his voice cracked. "Playing the game, but changing the rules is the only way Joss and Taylor will survive. Lionel, tell her I love her." A tear made it down his cheek before John shoved the man he was holding in a tight grasp away from him, lifting his gun from that man's head to his own. It was happening in slow motion, Fusco felt sick inside as the gun slid up to Reese's head, the barrel of his own gun touching his forehead, tears sliding down John's face. Fusco shouted, leveling his gun on Reese to stop him when a gun went off that wasn't his.

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Author's note: Okay so I can't leave it on this sort of cliffie so I'm going to post the final chapter to this too, that way this story is finished and I don't have to worry about forgetting to post it anymore lol.

Thanks for reading, and reviewing :)


	7. Chapter 7

Her heart was shattered, it was broken beyond repair. The tears streaked down his beautiful cheeks, while more left unshed in his glacial blue eyes, clinging to his lush eyelashes. Joss didn't realize she was crying herself until his form blurred in front of her. She could hear Fusco speaking in quiet murmurs to Mr. Richards though right now she couldn't even begin to form an understanding as to what he was saying. Her eyes, her focus were only on John. He stood staring at her before his gaze slid down to where she had grazed his shoulder. It was enough to pierce the jacket, his suit jacket, and maybe even nick him. She was a good shot.

"Lower your gun John, and kick it over to me." She struggled to not panic, afraid John was going to try again to shoot himself. "Do it now." He shook his head as a strangled sound escaped him. "Do it, or the next bullet won't be just a graze," she snarled. Joss felt like she was dying inside, but she'd shoot him in the kneecap to save his life.

"Your safety and Taylor's is all that matters to me Joss," she noticed he hadn't dropped the gun yet. "I love you Joss, I'll do anything to protect you."

"Including taking your own life?" She clamped down the rising sobs, trying to remain calm. "John, my baby and I are safe now. You don't have to do this," she paused, feeling like she just had this conversation with him before. "Finch came up with a helluva idea that Wesley's men fell for. They lost me, you should know by now I'm pretty good at shaking my tails. I promise we're safe." Joss felt like this conversation was the most important one she ever had. John slowly lowed his gun, slipping into the holster behind his back. Then Joss lowered her weapon before holstering it. Joss took a few steps and she wrapped her arms around his neck. She felt him stiffen for a brief moment before he relaxed in her arms, and wrapped his arms around her. She felt like he was trying to pull her through him, she clung to him.

"Hey you two, not to end this love fest or anything but our guy with the glasses just texted me Wesley's location. Time to go get this son of bitch." Joss pushed back out of John's arms and saw his eyes darken.

"We go in there, we take him alive, John."

"If you say so."

"I do." She grabbed his hand, feeling the tremble. "Fusco, can you take Mr. Richards here back to his apartment, and advise him on who really was behind his abduction and attempted murder?"

"Sure thing," he motioned to the man that still looked a bit shell shocked to go with him. "When you're done, come help us with Wesley."

"Yeah sure Carter," Fusco gave John one last sad glance before he took Mr. Richards arm, tugging him towards his abandoned car. Joss walked beside John quietly but purposely as they hurried to her car. John's emotions were hidden as they climbed into the car. They remained silent much of the drive there, she was speeding, had her sirens and lights on, trying to get there before Wesley could escape. As the more she thought about what happened the more upset she became. But she couldn't confront John about it right now, about him going to kill himself, because they first needed to apprehend Wesley. Once that was done, then she'd tear into John for breaking her heart. It had been bad enough on her when he had Fusco tug her away while he waited to die at that DoD facility. But, to purposely shoot himself in the head to save them had nearly destroyed her. He knew what it did to her the last time, she was done thinking about everyone else's feelings than her own. She was going to lay it all out to him, once everything settled after Wesley was arrested.

Joss pulled up to the curb where Wesley was hiding his little beady self when both she and John popped out of the car. They drew their guns out and Joss smiled, it seemed like the Brit was coming to see them. He exited the building appearing to be running towards a taxi until he saw them.

"Oh Mr. Reese, I should have known you'd outsmart my men again." Wesley smiled a bit before he pulled out his pistol, aiming it towards Joss. Both she and John hid behind her car, hearing bullets riddling the side. "I'll have to call this a stalemate, cut my losses again and bid you and your lovely lady a fond farewell. Cheerio, hope to see you again very soon." Joss wasn't about to let this man go, he threatened her son, and John had nearly killed himself to save them. However, John wasn't about to let the man anymore than she was. He motioned to her to distract him, so she popped up firing her gun towards Wesley really wanting to nail the son of a bitch. The man fired back in rapid succession making her drop back down. But John was on the move, he was quick and stealth-like, Wesley had no clue what hit him. Joss popped up, had her gun drawn, watching John.

John punched him hard in the face. Wesley got a nice pop in on John, but only a couple times, as Joss made her way slowly over, deciding to allow John to work out some of his pain and frustration out on Wesley's face. John slammed a fist in Wesley's face again, Joss heard a distinct crack of bone breaking in his nose. Blood spewed out, but John wasn't done. Joss lowered her gun, watching as John put all his strength into the punch into the man's stomach. Wesley fell to the ground when John brought his pistol to the back of Wesley slicked back blonde hair. Joss grabbed John's arm to stop him. She felt the tremble in him.

"If Joss didn't make me into a better man I'd empty my clip into your skull." Joss heard John's soft venomous words, knowing they were somewhat of the truth. She was sure John would love to kill this man, for what he had done to her and Taylor. But it wasn't her that made him a better man, he did that himself. Because that was who John was…a good man. Joss pulled her handcuffs out. She snapped them onto the Brit's wrists snugly.

"You should really have learned your lesson when you couldn't beat John the first time or the second time. You are pathetic and you are so lucky I'm not the type of woman to look the other way. I would love nothing more than for you to be dead for the pain you caused me, my son, and John. But I think death is too good for you, it's what you probably hope for instead of having to pay for your crimes. Well I promise you will be going to jail for a very long long time." She grinned before she slammed her own fist into his evil face. She shook her hand, really wishing she hadn't done that since now her hand hurt, but it felt so good to punch this man. Wesley spat blood out of his mouth, giving her a disgusting look.

"You think those charges will stick against me detective?" Joss looked at John. "Because they won't, and once I'm out I'm going to kill you and your son while I make John watch as I empty my clip in your head." Joss wasn't going to let him goad John into killing him.

"We both know you are going to go away for a very long time," she grabbed John's free hand feeling the cold clamminess to it. She picked Wesley up off the ground while the man had the audacity to look smug. Well, he wouldn't be once he realized he was going to a prison where he was going to be for a very long time. She was going to steal an idea of John's. Fusco arrived, and exited his car.

"What, I missed all the fun?" he said taking an eye full of Wesley's face.

"No, you get to take this piece of trash out to jail." She slid him into Fusco's backseat. She eyed John as she called Finch.

"Yes detective?"

"I got John, we got Wesley."

"Oh thank god."

"Yes, I need a favor."

"Name it."

"I need a private plane for Fusco, he's going on a little trip out of the country." She smiled at John who finally looked at her and she could swear she saw a touch of a smile on his.

* * *

Taylor was happily back at home, he tried to assure John that it wasn't that he minded staying at his place, but his place held bad memories. John didn't mind. Joss had asked if Taylor would be alright at their apartment alone. John knew Joss had a lot of questions, probably had a lot she wanted to say to him. John and Joss sought entrance into his place and she looked upset. She had been quiet the entire drive over and after Finch had secured a private plane for Fusco to transport Wesley to the Torreon Penitentiary in Mexico to join Marshal Jennings and a couple other Americans that had been placed there by John. Finch had been glad to hear John was alright and Joss had glossed over what had happened.

He had a little pain in his shoulder even though he knew she had just grazed him. They both took their jackets off after he enclosed them in the apartment once more. Her eyes were on the hole in his suit jacket.

"I'll be right back."

"Why, going to change to hide the fact that I shot you to stop you from killing yourself?" her words were drenched in agony. He knew she wanted to talk about what happened, knew she needed too. The turmoil she was in, the pain in her voice, was all his fault.

"I'm sorry, it was the only way I could think up that meant I played by his game and rules where everyone survived."

"Everyone but you."

"Yes."

"Your plan was to kill yourself. You told my son that you wouldn't kill anyone, but that was a lie."

"I told him the truth."

"No you didn't, you didn't bother to tell him you didn't plan on living. Do you have any idea what that would have done to him? Did you even think of that?"

"It's better than being dead."

"Right, I forget, as long as we are safe it doesn't matter that you were gone."

"Joss-"

"No, I kept my mouth shut because I was afraid of pushing you too hard, too fast. Well, I can't keep my mouth shut this time. You said that you can't live without me; what makes you think I can live without you?" she demanded, tears welling up in her eyes. "Answer me John, what made you think I could learn to live without you?"

"You are a strong and independent woman. You don't need me to survive."

"You are a strong and independent man, but yet the other night, after that nightmare where you dreamt I was dead, you said you couldn't live without me. I do need you John, I love you. I told you what it did to me the last time I saw you about to self sacrifice yourself for the good of others. It nearly killed me, this time it did. I died when I shot you, my heart is broken, and I hate you for it." She sobbed and he took quick steps, wrapping her in his arms. She buried her face in his chest and he just held her in his embrace. "I can't get the image of you with the gun turned to your head out of my mind." She sobbed and shook in his arms. John just quietly held onto her while she let the utter despair of the past few days out.

Joss's body went slack in his arms and he scooped her up, pressing her close to him while he carried her to the couch before quietly sitting down keeping her in his lap. Her heard the sobs quiet down, felt the wetness against his neck, but he didn't care. He kept his face looking directly in front of him, not wanting to look down at her seeing the destruction he did to the woman he loved. When it seemed she was all cried out he gently rubbed her back to soothe her.

"I'm sorry Joss," he whispered.

"Had you just had your phone on…"

"I kept it off, afraid that you or Finch would figure out what I was planning, and if I heard your voice I wouldn't have been able to do it, even for the good of you and Taylor."

"But it isn't, John, that's the point. Living without you in the world isn't living a good life. I love you so much, but I hurt so badly right now." John felt hot tears once more against his neck. "I can't be with you if you are going to eventually kill yourself. I can't handle that, I'd rather end this now John; I can't be your savior. You have to want to live, not just for me and Taylor but because you want to. You're a good man, everyone tries to poison you with lies, you deserve to move on and live your life. But if you can't let go of your past, your demons, I can't be with you. I can't watch you do that again." She pushed back out of his arms and off his lap. Joss scrambled to her feet. "I have to think of myself right now. I can't think of you or your feelings, John, I love you, you know that. Come find me if you're finally willing to put aside your past to move on with me and Taylor." John just stared at her. She was leaving? Joss slowly, unevenly walked over to her jacket, picking it up. John got off the couch, staring at her back. Her shoulders were slumped. She moved to the door before looking back at him. Unshed tears welled up in her eyes once more and she turned walking out the door. The door softly shut behind her, but felt like a slam on his heart.

He just stood there, continuing to stand there, unsure of what to do. John wasn't even sure if this was really happening. Joss was ending their relationship. His heart felt like it split in half, he had no one to blame but himself. He had left his phone off or he would have found out about their plan, then none of what had happened would of. Could he put aside what had happened in his past to move forward? He had hoped so, he had been learning before Rikers happened, before Kara breezed back into his life. It was a hard and long process, but he had felt happy. He was happy with Joss. Now she was leaving him and he felt empty. He didn't want to be without her, he couldn't live without her. John rushed to the door, throwing it open. He knew he had long strides, he could catch up with her before she got too far. John took the stairs two at a time, seeing her exiting the complex. John ran to the door, pushing the double doors apart and into the cool night air.

"I told you, Joss, I can't live without you!" He called out. She stopped but didn't turn around.

"I can't be what you live for John."

"I don't always believe I deserve you, I know you can do better than me, but yet you love me anyway." John slowly watched Joss turn around. Her face was just riddled with pain. "You said to talk to you, so I'm gonna try, for you. I was happy, Joss, before Rikers, before Kara came back. I couldn't believe how happy I felt; it was because of you. The last days have been terrible with Kara and Wesley, but during that time you were all that I saw."

"John."

"I love you, I'm so sorry you had to witness what I did, I'm sorry for everything, Joss, but I can't let you go."

"I can't be with you if you-" he didn't give her a chance to finish. He grabbed her tugging her to him, kissing her desperately. He wasn't letting her go. He couldn't. He'd fight his demons, his past, the world, and even her to keep her by his side. John kissed her, using his brute strength to hold her to him. She was stiff in his arms, and she was trying hard not to respond to him. But her mouth melted against his, he urged her lips open while he pressed against her. Joss's hands came up onto his shoulders, sighing the moment he slipped his tongue into her mouth. John kissed her hotly before he felt his kiss change, seeking to show her just how much he cherished her. John pushed back, grabbing her hand tugging her with him back to his apartment. "John, wait." He felt the resistance and he paused. He looked back at her. Her eyes were wide as if she wanted to believe him but scared to. "It hurts too much,"

"I love you."

"Sometimes love isn't enough, I can't do this anymore. I can't watch you do that again."

"I promise you, I will not let my past destroy our future together. I'm trying Joss, I was trying before Rikers, just give me another chance to work past this. I promise no more self sacrificing." tears welled up in her eyes once more.

"Promise?"

"You have my word." Joss strangle sound was the only sound she made as she moved to him and they kissed once more. John pushed back a bit, before he took her hand tugging her back to his apartment to show her just how much he truly loved her heart, mind, body, and soul.

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Author's note: Thank you for everyone reading, and reviewing, I'm truly sorry for such the long wait between chapters 4 and 5. So thank you for being patient :)


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